[My dad is currently out of town for a week. The plan was that I’d be spanked each night. Nice spankings though. Except, well, I got in the way of that lovely plan.]
As Paul reported in a not-at-all cryptic comment on Twitter:
Not meant as ooo-look-at-us, but @eltercerojo went to bed genuinely scolded and spanked tonight. Both real and surprisingly resonant.
That’s the short version. All of it is true. This is going to be the longer story, one maybe that will keep something like it from happening again anytime soon. As I’ve reported repeatedly in the past, most of my being in trouble and punishments happen not because of anything willful, but because I either don’t think things through or am not paying attention to what I’m doing.
So what happened?
Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I did a final check on my computer before letting it go to sleep for the night. Paul noticed what it was busy doing and asked me what I was downloading.
Technologies of Punishment –isn’t that a great title? I can’t claim any originality since it’s inspired by a CFP (that’s “Call For Papers” in the larger world) for a CUNY conference titled “The Poetics of Pain: Aesthetics, Ideology, and Representation” sent to my academic self. (I blogged this startle on el tercer ojo.) But it is an appropriate title. Given that we met via the wonders of usenet, technology, for better or worse, has been involved in Paul and my relationship, discipline and punishment included, since the beginning. Although some of the technology thankfully went away when our relationship went from long-distance to living-in-the-same-house, technology remains a significant part of both of our lives.
This is not going to be a discussion of how technology can assist those in long-distance relationships at “this thing we do.” While it doesn’t seem so long ago that most of my punishments were done via email or phone, really it’s been more than seven years since Paul moved here, give or take an interruption or two. I think that counts as several lifetimes in the word of technology. Because of that, this probably isn’t the right entry for anyone looking for long-distance discipline ideas. (Natty can probably give plenty of thoughts on that subject, but rumor has it she’s a bit busy at present.) That said, ever since I got a new MacBook compete with webcam, I check in terror to make sure the green camera light isn’t on every time Paul has me bent over my desk chair for a quick slippering to “focus” me on my work. This is crazy because I never actually use the webcam for anything so it’s never on. **
Even though phones, webcams and Skype aren’t part of discipline or punishment scenes and we’re not long-distance anymore, technology in various forms plays an important role in our relationship. A role, which for me, has lately made me feel watched over in ways that, frankly, push a lot of good and powerful buttons. What works, both in the senses of being effective and attractive, is feeling I’m being watched over and held to specific expectations. The idea is that I’m seen –inside and out– by someone who can’t be fooled and holds me to account. That’s both the fantasy and the ideal.
Not much to ask, is it?
It’s a huge amount to ask of anyone and a near impossible task, especially with regard to me specifically. Yet I have asked for it and Paul and I have tried various ways of fulfilling this need / desire. Repeatedly, over a period of years.
Just a quick post for anyone who missed the announcement in the comments section. I have started an online bulletin board/forum thingy around the subject of domestic discipline. It's basically a place for people who either don't fit in very well at the other DD-type forums, or who would prefer to hang out with the rest of us misfits (you know, the ones who aren't necessarily straight or Christian or believing that women are ordained by God to submit to their male partners; the main rule I have is that you have to respect that what works for you may or may not work for anyone else.)
So if you're interested, click on over an join. (And if you're a spammer, know that spam posts will be deleted asap, and spammers will be banned.)
I delurked with a story and a very few details about myself, given the name Mija by Bea, who, at the time, was a regular poster. Usenet was very mysterious to me, as Ron McIngle discovered to his pain as he tried to explain to me where I was and how I got there. I didn’t have web access — I’d found alt.sex.spanking via crosspostings from a Los Angeles personals newsgroup. The spam was very heavy — probably at least 95% of the group’s content at the time. But the community, in the midst of planning the creation of this group, shone through. That it existed at all seemed more amazing then I could bear.
At the time I was 29, in the middle of the first year of my MA program and floundering in an unhappy marriage that had taken my 20s and left me feeling far older than I was. My (now) ex husband saw my interest in spanking as "outside any idea" he could have about me. I’d buried my desires deep, only to have them reappear, triggered by writings of feminist Dorothy Allison.
This seems a rather harsh ad campaign, but perhaps one we’ll have to adopt here on the PB.
Pab snapped this on our way to breakfast this morning, compensating for the reflection and the like. We did try and take one with me standing under the sign but I did something odd with my mouth during the picture (not at all unusual for me btw) and so have disposed of those copies of the print.
One nice thing about living in Santa Monica is that no one seemed at all interested in why we were either snapping the pictures or why I was posing there.
Maybe we’ll have to try it again before the sign comes down.