Category Archives: Mija

Dreams of Spanking: Congratulations Pandora, Haron and Zille

dreams-of-spanking1Hello and happy holidays.  It’s been a busy year for lots of reasons and sadly this blog has suffered neglect.  2012 will be better, I promise, but I’m thankful that you still come and see us.  All of us have experienced a lot of changes over the seven years the PB has been up.  Some we’ve shared here, others we haven’t. But we’ve never stopped caring about TTWD, each other or the many wonderful men and women who read here and care about the topic.
dreams-of-spanking2But enough about that, on to the reason for this blog post. Over the past two years I’ve been following Pandora Blake’s quest to create a spanking film and photo site quite closely.  Today that site, Dreams of Spanking, went live. There’s lots of wonderful content and I like it for reasons I discuss on my blog, but my main reason for mentioning it here is that two of the Punishment Book’s writers, Zille (in Caned in Jodhpurs) and Haron AKA Adele Haze (topping her lovely partner Jimmy in Her Ladyship’s Breakfast) have filmed and worked on the site. I’ve put a couple of my favorite stills (with permission) up, but you should go and look at the site.

But most of all, congratulations to Pandora, Haron and Zille.  I’ve always known you dream of spanking, but it’s wonderful to get to see what those dreams are.

Caned Again (Again)

[This blog post has been written twice. The first draft got eaten by TypePad (boo!). I thought maybe this was a sign that this story wasn't meant to be shared, but Zille and Paul convinced me that if I didn't share the story here, pictures of my bottom and its cane marks could end up on Twitter. Since the last thing I want to do is show my bottom to the world for being caned for not going to the gym enough, and thus prove why I need to go to the gym more often, I'm busy re-typing this on the bus.]

As those of you who read here and / or Spanking Blog know, I've asked Paul to help me make better use of my gym membership by giving me 49 strokes of the cane, that's one for every dollar my membership costs, any week I don't make it to the gym at least three times. Paul gets to pick everything about the caning except the number of strokes. He can choose the cane he wants, what I wear and what position I'm caned in. This week I only went to the gym once. My reckoning was last night (Sunday).

Now I wasn't entirely sure I would really get caned for missing the gym this week. I had some very good excuses. First, my gym isn't air conditioned and last week it was very hot several days. So I didn't go to the gym for fear of getting over-heated. Then my mother showed up with all her loveliness and drama. I spent one whole day running errands with her. So I didn't go to the gym that day either. Saturday was taken up with a family party. I couldn't go to the gym Saturday. And Sunday I had to go out to brunch with a friend of my parents. And then I had to come home and get my writing sample ready. I couldn't go to the gym on Sunday. Suddenly all the days were gone and a week had past with only one gym trip. But of course Paul would understand.

He understood and even agreed I had very good reasons for not having gone to the gym. But that didn't matter. I hadn't gone and I'd asked him to punish me, to cane me, if I didn't go. I think if he had made the rule, he might have let me off this week. Maybe not. But because I asked for this and didn't say "except for weeks when it's really hot or I'm really busy" he followed through. And that's right. My gym opens at 5:30 AM and is open until 11:00 PM. We make time for things that are important and getting good use out of my gym membership and spending some time on my body is important. Truth be told, for all that my excuses are good, I could have gone.

Paul let me know yesterday afternoon that I was going to be caned. I struggled a bit with the knowledge. I was in the midst of wrestling with the text of my writing sample and couldn't quite make room in my head for the idea of being caned. So I buried myself in my work and didn't think about it. Even as evening progressed (with me still working away) I was in denial. You see, not only is my dad with us this week, my mom is here as well. They sleep in the bedroom next to ours. And unlike my dad, my mom is a light sleeper.

When I came out of the bathroom after doing all those evening things, the nursery cane was at the end of the bed. He was going to go through with it.

I thought about calling safeword on the caning. I mean, my mom.

But the thing is, part of me didn't want to. I want to be held accountable. I asked for this. So I cowardly tried to slide into bed with the vague hope that if I fell asleep fast (all that writing and editing had made me tired) Paul wouldn't cane me. After all, he's always trying to get me to sleep. He sternly told me not to get into bed.

So I took a deep breath and stood next to the bed, after closing the door, and, rather sadly, pushing my bed stool up against it. I hoped that like last week, this week he'd be using the cane over the knee (thats' what the nursery cane, which is short and thin, is made for). Sure enough, he sat down on the bed and had me pull down my pjs. I took them down and climbed over his lap. He spent a good amount of time adjusting my position, turning the top of my body closer to the head of the bed and my bottom further down his leg. What he was doing wasn't clear to me until the first stroke landed.

He was giving himself more room to swing so the tip of the cane would land harder.

The first stroke landed like a cut. The thing is, the nursery cane is very very thin and really really stings. That was true last week, but from the start it was clear this caning was a lot harder than the one the week before before. But, my brain cried, as I considered screaming, my parents are in the next room. So I pulled my hands forward (my arms had been folded behind my back) and started counting off the strokes on my right fingers, one at a time, while on my left I kept track in groups of twelve.

The thing about the thin cane is that it really stings. When Paul used it on me it felt more like a switch than a cane. By the time he reached twelve I could feel the tip marks crossing. The sting was terrible and I fought with myself to lie still. Paul will probably say I wasn't still, but I'm sure I mostly was. As I counted each one off it seemed an impossible number was left. When he reached twenty-four I started to panic and tears welled up in my eyes. I tried to keep my breathing slow and even because I knew if I started crying I might make noise. And making noise, being heard by my parents seemed much worse than even the hurt the cane was doing.

Strange as it may seem, at thirty-six I felt a sense of relief because it meant there were only twelve left. However much they might hurt, I could get through twelve more. Paul sped up and the strokes landed harder still and faster, making me gasp into the sheets. My feet fluttered as I tried hard not to kick. After quite a build-up of pain, it ended in a rush — an almost "is that all there is?" moment. Then the burn started to soak in.

Paul kept me over his lap as he rubbed some LUSH dream cream into my bottom. It stings, but in a soothing sort of way. It hurt enough that I teared a bit as we snuggled close but I expected all signs to be gone by morning. This is so not the case. Almost 24 hours later and I'm still sitting tenderly, the right side of my bottom is still hot to the touch. Yes, this is me pouting a bit.

But not too much. I did, after all, ask for this. And I'm sure this week I will make it to the gym at least three times. Why am I sure? First because I want to. Second because my bottom really hurts. And third, my parents will not be here next weekend. Paul has let it be known that should he have to cane me next week, I won't be getting off with the nursery cane.

I'm going to be such a good girl. No, really.

Discipline & Punishment: Hello Again

The Punishment Book has been sleeping for a bit. I think this is inevitable — we're all busy with lives and individual blogs. Some of us who are doing discipline and punishment may not want to write about it at the moment. Or maybe feel it's a story we've already told. At the same time, this blog, which was one of the only DD / disipline or WIIWD blogs 7 years ago is now one of many. 

But I thought I might tell you what's been up with me.  As those of you who read my own blog know, I finally finished my Ph.D. — which means I lost my job. Paul and I are oddly in the position, for the first time in our relationship where I have to depend on him financially for everything. To put it mildly, this sucks (although he's been lovely about it).  I start a new part time job in January so hopefully I'm not going to get to used to it.

Meanwhile, not having money of my own has made me very aware of all my expenses. I don't waste money generally, but I have been making coffee and lunch at home a lot more often. I also have had to face the fact that I have been wasting money for months in one specific area.  My gym fees are $49 a month and I haven't been using it. I considered dropping the membership but the thing is I really do need to exercise more — a yoga DVD here and there and walking isn't really cutting it. Plus, when I go, I enjoy my gym. So I asked Paul to give me 45 strokes of the cane any week I don't go to the gym at least three times. 

How did the first week go? I got 49 strokes of the small cane (with my dad sleeping in the next room — yuck!) on Sunday night. Monday I went to the gym.  This week is already going better. 

Oh and for those of you still reading… hello again.  

H8 – Keep ‘Em Out of Sight

h8[I wrote this for my blog but I’m reposting it here because the discrimination against M/M spanking in the spanking scene is a total kink in my kink as Natty would say.  It makes me feel bad about myself and being part of this scene.  It’s a face of homophobia, something I don’t tolerate in any part of my life and I’m done tolerating in the spanking scene.  Be warned.]

As many of you know, I’m not exactly white. I’m Mexican American or as I prefer to call myself, Chicana. My father and my grandparents were born here in Los Angeles, but my great-grandparents came up from Zacatecas, Mexico.  I grew up in Los Angeles where having a white mother didn’t make me anything but Mexican.  That said, I didn’t experience too much discrimination.  My parents were very careful, protecting my sister, brother and me from the hate and fear that my father’s face and skin color could evoke.  Still, up through the 1980s, they had a hard time moving into white neighborhoods.  Realtors refused to show them homes, tried to steer them to the browner parts of town.  And this was with my mother being white.

My uncle’s family experienced all that and much more. My cousins don’t have a white mother to temper their skin tone and that color’s effect on the neighborhood.  When they moved into a white part of town, a “welcome wagon” met them with a chicken casserole and a request that they keep their children in the backyard for fear the sight of these brown children would lower property values.

So what you say?  Sad, but these are different times, right?

I say wrong and I’m calling our spanking community out on it. What groups like Crimson Moon and Ms. Margaret’s SCONY are doing by not allowing M/M spanking in their groups, what SpankingTube is doing by not having M/M searches come up in their general search is the same damn thing as racial redlining was in a previous generation.  It maybe legally right, but it’s ethically reprehensible.

But, but, some people don’t like M/M spanking.  So what?  I don’t like oral sex.  I don’t ask that it be banned or shunted off into a corner so I don’t have to stumble upon it.  I just avert my gaze and look at something I do like.  For those of you who think you can’t learn to stomach M/M spanking, I urge you to free your mind and grow the fuck up.   If your arousal is so fragile that the sight or suggestion of M/M spanking can take it down, you may need some medical help.  Not everything in the scene has to exist specifically to get you off.

But, but, you agree with me.  Really. You wish these spanking groups or SpankingTube didn’t discriminate.  Then live your beliefs.  Don’t patronize them.   Don’t use their sites.  Don’t go to their parties.  And let them know why you’re not.  That you’d like to, but because of their policy toward M/M spanking in our scene, you can’t.  Then go places like Shadow Lane and SF-CP that are open to everyone whatever their orientation.

But, but, Mija, you’re ranting.

Yes. Yes I am.  Don’t hate. You know you don’t want to.  And don’t support people who can and do.

ADDED: For more information on what SpankingTube is doing and why it sucks see this post by PaulThe Problem with SpankingTube.com

For a less rant-y take on M/M spanking see this post by IndyHomophobia in the Scene.

 

—-

PS. What did my uncle do? He had his twin brother move in next door with his family.  And then two put up a basketball hoop so all the kids played outside in the street, property values be damned.

Demon Torrents

[My dad is currently out of town for a week.  The plan was that I’d be spanked each night.  Nice spankings though.  Except, well, I got in the way of that lovely plan.]

criminal-mindsAs Paul reported in a not-at-all cryptic comment on Twitter:

Not meant as ooo-look-at-us, but @eltercerojo went to bed genuinely scolded and spanked tonight. Both real and surprisingly resonant.

That’s the short version.  All of it is true.  This is going to be the longer story, one maybe that will keep something like it from happening again anytime soon.  As I’ve reported repeatedly in the past, most of my being in trouble and punishments happen not because of anything willful, but because I either don’t think things through or am not paying attention to what I’m doing.

So what happened?

Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I did a final check on my computer before letting it go to sleep for the night.  Paul noticed what it was busy doing and asked me what I was downloading.

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PB 2010 Closing Days — Opening Lines


calendar[I got the idea for this blog post from padme’s blog (and she got it from viemoira’s who got it from — well you get the idea –) and it seemed like a fun idea. I did it first on my own blog and liked it so much I decided we should have one here too. This blog entry is constructed by taking the opening sentence or two from the first blog post of each month.]

We missed Love Our Lurkers this year, but I though the PB could offer a Thank You to our readers and also play along with this way to close the blog for 2010 and ring in 2011.  I didn’t note who wrote what because, well that’s not the point and it’s on the posts anyway.  Thanks for being with us in 2010 — I’m looking forward to where 2011 takes us.

January: I’ve had this plan for a while now to write about topics other than specific punishments. There are a lot of things that float around in my head and some day I will have some spare time and be able to actually sit down and write about some of them.

February: Parenting kids in a kinky household really is different. I suppose everyone experiences parenthood differently, but I think kinksters definitely have unique challenges.

March:  Last week (at least it was last week when I started this post) I read Jessica Wakeman’s piece over at The Frisky about her first D/s relationship and was going to write about the similarities/differences with my own first spanking relationship.

April: I’ve been organizing the books in our apartment, as they are threatening to take over the place, and I found this gem among Papa Otter’s erotica collection.

May: Crashing has a way of putting me in a very Natty mood. And last Wednesday, after a long Mother’s Day, a longer ME/CFS Awareness Day, and a trip to the acupuncturist, I crashed.

June: Dear Readers, Please be patient with me as I hash out one of the age old questions of kinky people: What is the purpose of punishment? I am sure you’ve all seen articles and opinion pieces about this before, but I’m not asking it in general. I’m asking it for myself. Why do Master and I include punishment in our relationship?

July: PB was off this month.  How shameful!

August: This is the first time I’ve written about this at the time rather than after a restart, maybe because the reason doesn’t seem quite as personal as has sometimes been the case.  We’re not doing punishment right now.

September: I am only recently starting to get back my spanking mojo after an extended hiatus for pregnancy- and postpartum-related issues.

October: Chris (of sparkle and Chris) and I have been having a conversation lately about what he as a top gets out of the punishment dynamic.  We thought it made for an interesting post, since we talk a lot about what the bottom gets out of a discipline/punishment arrangement, but we don’t hear about the other side very often (or if we do, it’s from an unrealistic Tops Are Superior Creatures perspective).

November: Today I was thinking about my first time. I guess for most people (read: Vanillas) the “first time” means when they lost their virginity. I could tell you that story but it’s boring and sad.

December: In discipline or punishment terms, I always choose the not-spanking option.

Ring out the old year, ring in the new!  And if you decide to blog your year’s opening lines, let us know!

 

 

Vote For Our Zille! 2010 Best New Spankee of the Year

zilleThe lovely blogger and model Zille Defeu (one of the charming and witty PB co-authors) has been nominated on the spankingspot.com as the best new spankee of the year.

Though I’m not sure “new” quite describes someone with the range and experience of Zille, I’m thrilled for the chance to recognize her film work and encourage you to click here and vote for Zille (or Zillie as they seem to be calling her).  I mean, look at this picture.  Doesn’t she clearly deserve it? (To win I mean.  What on earth were you thinking?)

Addendum:

Right after I hit send I thought I’d add this.  In addition to her own blog writing and modeling, Zille has done a lot in the spanking scene this year.  I don’t follow her every move (much as that might be great fun) but I’ve seen her organize the CF-CP spanking party up in San Francisco (and epic fun night) and know she’s worked as a volunteer judge for this year’s SSC contest.  She’s also attended Shadow Lane as well as UK hosted parties.  She and her partner were a great help at helping run errands for the Northern Spanking suite party at Shadow Lane.

What’s my point?  Vote for Zille not because she’s got a pretty face.  Vote for her because, in best sense of the term, she’s a good all-rounder and gives back to our scene and community.  What more can anyone ask of anyone, spankee or not?

 

Bonnie’s Question: Choosing Spanking

[I didn't get a chance to answer this Sunday, but it was such an interesting question I thought I'd reply here and and on my blog.]

This week at her brunch, Bonnie asked: 

Have you or your partner been given a choice between receiving a spanking or something else and chose the spanking? If so, how does the act of consciously choosing to be spanked alter the spankee's mindset?

In discipline or punishment terms, I always choose the not-spanking option.  It's not often that Paul gives me a choice — a large part of what works in our dynamic is that I'm not in control, that I don't get to decide.  But when I've had the option of writing lines or something non-physical I think I've always chosen it.  This is because for me the idea that I could be spanked is the powerful one, more powerful even than the act of being spanked.  Part of that for me is that spanking has to feel like the last resort as a punishment, heavy enough that I'd choose anything else above it. That's the theory anyway.  The reality hasn't been tested much.

I suppose in reality most of the time I'm being punished I've chosen to be spanked in the sense that I could always opt out.  Probably.  I've never tried to though.  The times I've asked to be spanked / punished for something are few and far between.  Those have been very submissive moments and during the punishments I've found it easier to accept the pain and not struggle against it. 

Play is different.  I do ask for spankings sometimes in play / everyday life.  Those times, when I get them which is almost always, I feel a lovely contentment and gratitude for my partner.  Best of all?  When he pounces on me and spanks me just because he wants to — those times I feel attractive and well loved. 

 

Not Doing Punishment

i-love-disciplineThis is the first time I’ve written about this at the time rather than after a restart, maybe because the reason doesn’t seem quite as personal as has sometimes been the case.

We’re not doing punishment right now.

The “Why” has a simple and not-so-simple answer.  It’s not something Paul and I have really discussed, so these are simply my reflections.

The short answer: my dad has been living with us most of the time for the past six months. During this time, we’ve not been doing much punishment or discipline or even much play.

This isn’t really a good long answer though.  I suspect we could (and perhaps should) make the adjustment that our friends with children do, seeing time alone as time to play, but we’re not used to doing that.  There are plenty of other punishments / disciplines that don’t involve spanking (we’ve used them too at other times) that we haven’t chosen to do.  It’s been easier just to put kink off with conversations (hot conversations mind) about it and thoughts of what we’ll do when.

I’m not sure that not doing it right now is a bad thing, partly because I tend to like thinking about it or the possibility of it more than the actual doing, but also because playing for us has always built on itself — perhaps a side effect of us spending so long doing long distance.  Discipline and punishment have always been part of our day – to – day life inside our house.  I wonder if changing that to work around my dad would take away from the feeling of “realness.”  I’m also not sure I could ever quite shut off my fear of my dad walking in on us —

— o the horror.

It’s also reminded me (maybe both of us) that I don’t need this to keep my life together. I’m not saying I’m as on top of it as I am when Paul is disciplining me, but I do okay.  I mostly still follow our rules and can still feel him watching over me in a good sort of way.

Yet this is so central to our kink that we also don’t seem to play much without it.  In the past, times when we haven’t been playing much have been times when we’re less close emotionally — one of the reasons I haven’t written about this before.  That doesn’t feel like the case now so it’s hard to remember that we’re not playing much / at all for weeks at a time now.  I miss it, but I don’t (much) fear it not coming back the way I do when we’ve been emotionally or physically distant.

I don’t have any brilliant conclusion here except to reach out and wonder how you feel about such times.

Submitting to Correction

calligraphy1Those of you who follow my blogging in other places (el tercer ojo and my new calligraphy blog) will know that I’m presently taking a calligraphy class studying the Gothic hand.  The mixed ability (some students have been studying calligraphy for years — others like me are taking their first class) class meets once a week for three hours.

Like most art classes, the teaching style is very structured. Anyone who imagines that most art courses are about creative free expression hasn’t taken many.  This is even more true of calligraphy, and within calligraphy, with learning a historical hand.  While there is a vague sense other ways might exist, my instructor only wants to see one way — the way she’s teaching us.  As we’re learning a medieval hand, the teacher also tends to mention life of early scribes and student scribes and their floggings.  This, of course, prompted me to do a little burst of research to discover what a “palmer” might look like (see links for the images I found).

calligraphy2At the second class meeting I was delighted to discover that our homework was being collected.  When I got home, Paul was pleased for me too, especially when I told him it would be turned back marked. The following week my homework was returned, with red inked corrections, at class a week ago Monday.  Not all the comments were positive, as you can see in the included images. In fact, except for a closing “Good Work,” every red mark was negative (or constructive criticism as I believe they say in the biz).  While I blushed to see my mistakes circled, it was great they weren’t being glossed over with a banal “Good Effort” or the like.

Last week I was actually called out a bit in class for not having practiced more during the previous week (it was not a lack of desire, but sadly other unavoidable demands on my time). Nonetheless I felt totally abashed at her slight disappointment, but again also thrilled because she’d noticed and thought it worthy of remark. I made no excuses for my lack of practice but simply promised to do better during the two weeks we have between classes due to various holidays.

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