Category Archives: About the PB

SCAM Artist Alert OR I Feel So Dirty!

A year or so ago "Katie Spades" wrote to the Punishment Book authors telling us how much she liked the PB (including some dreck on us having "inspired" her and her partner) and asked us to link to her as she was starting a career as a spanking model.

Now we never do the "I’ll link to you if you link to me" thing but a couple of PB writers liked the blog and said they were following it (that’s always our criteria).  So a link to her blog went onto our sidebar (no  need to check, it’s gone).

Today one of the other authors sent me this link from the A.S.S. blog.

Apparently Katie’s been scamming us all.

(Katie: from the quoted podcast)
Here was the deal, like I wanted to make money. And to get a name for myself, but I wasn’t quite sure how to do it, and I didn’t want to go like straight up porn. So I looked around… and I saw the, well it’s like this little community, the spanking industry… and for the most part… I mean there are a couple of pretty models… but for the most part there aren’t many. So I looked at it as like okay, here is an easy way jump to the top of an industry like that, because I can totally take it over with the way I look. So I decided to do that.

I haven’t actually listened to the whole podcast yet –I’m at work– but I’ve heard enough.   A friend had pointed me to her "SAVE KATIE" campaign which was raising money to supposedly off-set expenses brought on by an "illness." The interview doesn’t seem to mention that, but there’s no reason to think that’s true either.

As my grandfather would have said, what a piece of work! My sympathies especially go out to the kindhearted folks who were taken in by her "SAVE KATIE" scam to get money out of the community for help during her  supposed "illness."


PS: Sending even more love out to the real models in our scene. You’re 100X more fun to watch anyway.

We’re *First*?

Today when I was checking our stats (yeah, I do it a lot, especially when bored at work), I realized that the PB makes Google's first or second page for the entry "punishment."  Cool, right?

Yeah, guess where we are on the page when if you Google "punished wife"?  Ouch!

Caned wife? Page 5.

Punishment Book?  First entry, page 1.

And yes, these are generating a number of hits*, thanks for asking.

(*and no, that wasn't an intentional pun.  Double ouch!)

A Brief History of Iris

At the risk of sounding redundant, I’ll begin my post like Dyke Grrl and say how tickled I am to be asked to join the outstanding group of women who founded the Punishment Book.  It’s both an honor and a joy, since there are so few venues for intelligent conversation about what we do.  Thank you all for the invitation.

Now.  On to introductions.  First, the stats: I’m in my late 20s, currently living in Minnesota, days (hours!) away from receiving my graduate degree, and getting ready to move to Los Angeles.  I’m a Midwestern girl, born and raised, so California will be a whole new adventure.  While I’ll admit I’m not terribly fond of LA or Southern California, there are some people there I like very much–one in particular.  M and I have been dating for something like two years (depends on if you count from when we started dating or when we met), and it’s going to be wonderful to be in the same metropolitan area.  We’re going to be able to have dinner together and not have to plan it several months in advance!  🙂

Enough of the vanilla details.  I’ve been into spanking just about as long as I can remember.  The spines of many of my childhood books are creased at the parts where spanking occurs (M is always amazed when we come across books in stores and I can flip quickly to a spanking scene).  Fast foward 15 years to college, where I convinced my vanilla boyfriend to spank me as foreplay.  In retrospect I realize that he took to it like a duck to water, but I was always self-conscious and sure that I was the only one who got anything out of it.

After college I moved to Chicago where I discovered Crimson Moon and began to realize that my kink was not only normal, it was something to celebrate!  Yet I still had these nagging thoughts about discipline: I fantasized about it, wondered about it, craved it.  I entered into a wonderful relationship with Yoni and Tasha, who are now the owners of Bum Rap.  Yoni helped me start to understand my need for discipline and let me see that I could have it in an adult relationship and it didn’t make me less mature or adult–it’s just part of who I am.  (I still struggle with that sometimes; see below.)

And THEN I met M, which brings me to now.  How and where does discipline fit in my life at this point?  For one, I’m still discovering that it’s much different in a relationship than in my head.  And it’s very different in a long-distance relationship than in a regular, close-by one.  M and I are negotiating what it looks like for us.  He has been in the scene for a number of years but always swore he would only spank for pleasure.  As has been noted by some people, though, I could convert Gandhi into a disciplinarian. 😀   And M is adjusting to his role as top remarkably well. 

At the heart of it all for me is a need for security.  Parts of my growing up were really unstable and full of tension and I think I crave stability, security, and forgiveness.  When a spanking is over, it’s over.  I’ve been held accountable, punished, and forgiven.  There’s also the knowledge that someone is watching out for me, which means that my behavior and my Self matter to someone, that they care what I do and what happens to me. 

And there’s something else, something intangible that I can’t quite explain.  Every once in a while I need a big spanking "to clear out all the cobwebs," M says.  The daily stuff of life accumulates and I need to sweep it all out.  These are different from regular punishment spankings, which are for one specific issue (sometimes more), but they’re the same in terms of the effect they have on me.  I feel lighter, clearer, and very very loved.  It’s still one of the hardest things to admit to myself, that I need to be spanked.  If anyone else has thoughts on this, I’d welcome discussion. 

So that’s mostly about me.  My mushy, end-of-semester brain will probably think of more to add as soon as I post this, but I do want to get something up by way of introduction. 

Warm blessings!

Introducing Dyke Grrl

First, I’m thrilled, just thrilled that the women of the Punishment Book think I’m cool enough to join in.

Okay, so who am I? Well, hm. On my blog, I describe myself as a happily partnered lesbian/dyke spanko. This is true. I also describe myself as a grad student and aspiring housewife. These things are also true. Of course, there’s much more to it than that.

In terms of the Punishment Book, perhaps I should start by talking about the role that discipline plays in my life and relationship. This is a complicated subject. I’ve been a spanko for probably all of my life, and for virtually all of the time we’ve been together, W. (my partner) and I have used spankings for role-play and foreplay and, you know, play.

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Changes to the PB

Okay, this first bit is just something I wanted to mention in passing.  Even though you’re very quiet, we know there are a lot of you here and you come pretty often.  Confession?  There’s a stat counter here and so we know about 1200 of you a day land here.  And some of you stay for quite a while (more than two hours) and come back daily to check in on the happenings.  Go ahead, say something!  we know it seems like we just enjoy talking to ourselves, but we really would love to hear your point of view on whatever.  In my case at least, even if you think this is a bit (or a lot) freaky.  We’re veterans of usenet… you’ll have a hard time offending us, and even if you do we’ll probably still answer you.  Go on.  You don’t even need to put a real email address ( will work). 

So onto the changes.  Smallest first.  The links have been redone reflecting that more of us have scene-related sites and so do our partners.  So there’s now a section called "Our Other Sites."  We’ve added a link to Haron and Abel’s new blog, The Spanking Writers, and also one to sparkle’s husband’s site, Chris’ Firehouse.  It’s really cool to get our partners’ perspectives, sometimes on the same subject or scene being discussed here. 

Big change?  We’ve added two new (well, new to us) authors to the PB.  They’ll be posting their own introductions sometime in the next month or so (we’re not big on deadlines), but it’s fun to build the anticipation, right?  So here’s an introduction to their introductions!

Dyke Grrl, who some us know from our days on soc.sexuality.spanking, has had her own blog about spanking and life, Breathing In & Breathing Out.  If you want to know more about her, you can either go to her blog and read.  Or wait with breathless anticipation here. In any case, we’re delighted she wanted to join us!

In the interest of diversity and also because she’s witty and a great writer, we’ve added Iris Bloom who we don’t know from our (mostly) beloved newsgroup.  Iris first appeared here in our comments and it was only later that I (see I can almost never keep up the "we" voice for a whole post) realized I knew her partner from years ago adventures at some Shadow Lane parties.  Iris was the author of the BDSM survey (Mija’s answers are here) that seems to have become a small meme.  If you want to know more about Iris, well, she has no blog that I know of so you’re just going to have to wait until she shows herself.  I know I’m excited!

And so there you are.  Change is good.

FAQ Question 2: So How Can I Make My…

…[husband / wife / boyfriend / girlfriend / partner] decide to [discipline / spank / punish] me?

I’m not sure about the other women posting here, but I get emailed this question a lot.  We’ve gotten a couple people asking this recently either on this site or by email.  Haron answered it a bit here, writing:

…it’s impossible to give advice without knowing more about you, your
boyfriend, his preferences and your own. Is he even into spanking, or
is he doing it to humour you?

On the whole, it’s been my experience that the only way to "get"
somebody to do anything is to discuss it with them, endlessly and
painstakingly. To explain why it’s important to you, and how it would
make you happier, and what attracts you about it. I’m not in favour of
pestering, but unless you communicate your desires clearly, he won’t
start punishing you out of the blue.

If you *have* talked about it, and he still won’t do it – well. It’s a different story.

This is a great answer to this question.  I’m going to write a bit more because, well, why not?

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Blurring the Lines

I always thought RL discipline was such a hot idea and I fantasised about it being a part of my life. Then I experienced it. And of course reality can’t compete with fantasy. At various times I’ve felt absolved, conflicted, ambivalent, resentful and turned on by RL discipline. I’ve never quite been able to reconcile my feelings about it. Then Mija invited me to join this blog. At first I declined because RL discipline hasn’t really been a part of my life lately. I mentioned this to my partner. He raised his eyebrows and said, ‘Oh? Isn’t it?’ Well, fair enough.

We’re basically roleplayers. Obsessive roleplayers. We have a stable of different personae, some recurring, some one-offs. Which brings me to a favourite phrase: blurring the lines. One of the ways we’ve circumvented my resentment of RL punishment in the past is through roleplay. By way of introduction I’ll share one of those stories.

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Sparkle’s Nutshell

My husband – C – will read this eventually, I’m sure of it.

He’ll admit he’s not a disciplinarian and doesn’t pretend to be one. In fact, he’s not particularly interested in methodic discipline, domestic or not. He likes spanking me because I squirm and wiggle and redden in a way that he finds particularly delightful when I’m over his lap. He doesn’t like spanking me when I frustrate and irritate him or disappoint him – he doesn’t ever spank me when he’s angry or hurt. And frankly, it’s easy to distract him when we’re making up (in a good way).

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The State of Haron Address

My name is,
and isn’t, Haron. I’m 25 years old. I discovered spanking 7 years ago – it took me about four
months from the day I got online. I hear, that’s terribly slow for an average spankophile, but I have an
excuse: I was busy learning English.*

 By the way, you could be
sure that I always have an excuse for everything. For example…

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