Category Archives: About the PB

About consent

This is just a quick note based on some comments we've had here recently.  We all freely to consent and in many cases initiated discipline / punishment relationships.

This is not a blog about wives and girlfriends who get beaten because that's the way wives and girlfriends should be treated by the men or women in their lives.  It's a real life discussion (albeit rather a slow one lately) by women who freely choose this because, for whatever reasons (it varies — just ask us, we've been writing for six years here alone) it works for us. 

How does discipline / punishment work for me?  I like it.  I like the way it makes me feel.  How does it make me feel? Focused.  Loved.  Respected.  Looked after.  Powerful.  That Paul punishes me makes me, well, feel lust in my heart toward him.  If he decided he didn't want to do it anymore, I would feel the loss.  I asked for this — I love that we have this dynamic between us, want Paul to have the power to punish me if and  when he decides to do it.

Go ahead and think me twisted or sick if you want.  But don't paint me as an unwilling victim.  I won't let you. 

PB 2010 Closing Days — Opening Lines

calendar[I got the idea for this blog post from padme’s blog (and she got it from viemoira’s who got it from — well you get the idea –) and it seemed like a fun idea. I did it first on my own blog and liked it so much I decided we should have one here too. This blog entry is constructed by taking the opening sentence or two from the first blog post of each month.]

We missed Love Our Lurkers this year, but I though the PB could offer a Thank You to our readers and also play along with this way to close the blog for 2010 and ring in 2011.  I didn’t note who wrote what because, well that’s not the point and it’s on the posts anyway.  Thanks for being with us in 2010 — I’m looking forward to where 2011 takes us.

January: I’ve had this plan for a while now to write about topics other than specific punishments. There are a lot of things that float around in my head and some day I will have some spare time and be able to actually sit down and write about some of them.

February: Parenting kids in a kinky household really is different. I suppose everyone experiences parenthood differently, but I think kinksters definitely have unique challenges.

March:  Last week (at least it was last week when I started this post) I read Jessica Wakeman’s piece over at The Frisky about her first D/s relationship and was going to write about the similarities/differences with my own first spanking relationship.

April: I’ve been organizing the books in our apartment, as they are threatening to take over the place, and I found this gem among Papa Otter’s erotica collection.

May: Crashing has a way of putting me in a very Natty mood. And last Wednesday, after a long Mother’s Day, a longer ME/CFS Awareness Day, and a trip to the acupuncturist, I crashed.

June: Dear Readers, Please be patient with me as I hash out one of the age old questions of kinky people: What is the purpose of punishment? I am sure you’ve all seen articles and opinion pieces about this before, but I’m not asking it in general. I’m asking it for myself. Why do Master and I include punishment in our relationship?

July: PB was off this month.  How shameful!

August: This is the first time I’ve written about this at the time rather than after a restart, maybe because the reason doesn’t seem quite as personal as has sometimes been the case.  We’re not doing punishment right now.

September: I am only recently starting to get back my spanking mojo after an extended hiatus for pregnancy- and postpartum-related issues.

October: Chris (of sparkle and Chris) and I have been having a conversation lately about what he as a top gets out of the punishment dynamic.  We thought it made for an interesting post, since we talk a lot about what the bottom gets out of a discipline/punishment arrangement, but we don’t hear about the other side very often (or if we do, it’s from an unrealistic Tops Are Superior Creatures perspective).

November: Today I was thinking about my first time. I guess for most people (read: Vanillas) the “first time” means when they lost their virginity. I could tell you that story but it’s boring and sad.

December: In discipline or punishment terms, I always choose the not-spanking option.

Ring out the old year, ring in the new!  And if you decide to blog your year’s opening lines, let us know!



Our Wooden Valentine: 5 Years, 201 Posts, 1.6 Million Visitors

happy-everythingIn late 2004, after Paul opened an account for us on Typepad and, after I played with a personal blog and got the hang of it, I wrote to a few friends. These were women I’d met online in the previous decade, but also gotten to know on different levels in real life. We were very different, but had in common a love of writing and a fascination with the use of discipline and punishment in real life relationships. You see, I had an idea — we could start a group blog (there weren’t many then) as a place to discuss the nitty gritty of trying to make a discipline relationships work in our respective “real” worlds.  Because they’re such good friends they claimed to be both excited and flattered and were sure it would be great fun.  From the start, I knew we should call it “The Punishment Book.”

February 2005, the blog entry officially opening and explaining The Punishment Book read:

Punishment books were records kept by schools and reformatories recording punishments given. Records were kept of who punishments were given to, how much and why each punishment had been given. Most often, though not always, the punishments were corporal.

Though we took our banners from scans of historical punishment books, that history is not what this blog is about. There will be accounts of punishments here, of course. The punishment book dot org is about punishment, especially spanking, being used to correct real life behavior. This is something the authors of this site all have in common, the use of disciplinary punishments in our real lives to some degree or other. Not as role play, although some of us are role players (and in some cases real life can feed role play). Not as foreplay, though some of us are into erotic spanking, but as part of our real lives and relationships. We’re all pretty funny (well, I mean, in so far as we amuse each other), but this isn’t a game. The issues of discipline and punishment are something seriously important to each of us.

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Welcoming Zille: Changes to the PB

1-to-9A quick look at the right sidebar will tell you the basics — we’ve added another author to the PB — something not done often or lightly.  This puts our number at nine, which the science (and here I use the word science quite wrongly) of numerology says represents the beginning and end of all human experience.

Great, so no pressure on the new girl.

Who is this new author?

::drum roll::

It’s Zille Defeu.  (Zille is pronounced as rhyming with “Jill” — not “silly” or “file”.)

Zille has her own website and blog with a lovely “about” page in case you want to get ahead of things.  She will, no doubt, be introducing herself in the coming days.

Several of us have gotten to know her over the past year and then discovered that, of course, we have mutual friends.  In my case, I started reading Zille’s Twitter feed at about the same time she started reading mine.  Tweets turned to emails and some phone calls before we met at Shadow Lane this past September and ended up talking about life, the universe and spanking.

There’s a lot I like about Zille and what she brings to the scene and ‘net.  I want to go into some detail here, but keep deleting everything I put down because I don’t want to force her hand in what she writes about or when she writes.  I’ll stick with teasing — there’s a lot she can say here and I’m excited just thinking about her saying it.   When will be up to her.  So stay tuned.

Most importantly though, welcome Zille.  Nine is a great number and we’re very glad to have you here.

Image Credit: / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Love Our Lurkers IV

keyholeBeloved and community minded Bonnie, over at My Bottom Smarts gives us a chance each year to remember we’re not talking to ourselves — that you’re here reading too. And we all know that for every comment to the blog, there are hundreds of visitors who don’t comment. We know you’re there and it’s always good to know there are readers, whether you choose to comment or not.  Yet it’s so much more fun to write for a blog where there’s lively discussion.

I know this blog has been quiet lately. This is partly due to many of us blogging elsewhere (see the list of our other blogs over to the right). It’s also due to the PB blog having become less of a place to discuss the idea of punishment in a relationships and more of a place to record actual punishments received.  (Believe it or not, that we’d record our punishments here never occurred to me when we were first building the blog.)  Since most of us aren’t punished very often, there ends up being long gaps between entries. Add to that my neglect in not realizing sooner that postings here were tapering off.

And yet you’re still reading here — even when the PB goes weeks and even months without new entries, our stats tell us that hundreds of people visit every day. So this is what I want to ask of you today — keeping in mind the style of the blog (that is, this isn’t going to suddenly become a place full of pictures of spanked bottoms, lovely though they might be and that we can’t write about punishments that aren’t happening — give us some thoughts about what you’d like to find when you come here. What discussions would be useful or interesting?

Thank you in advance for your ideas. And as always, thank you for reading.

Where I am now

About a month ago, Mija wrote to the authors of the Punishment Book about several things, and one of the things was a suggestion that, since this is our "blogiversary," perhaps we could each write a post about where we are now, in life, and in regard to this thing we do in our relationships. I kept putting it off, but since February obliged me by having an extra day, we'll see if I can manage to get a post written and slide in under the deadline!

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All About Bridget!

Hi there everyone! As Mija mentioned already I did indeed write this intro recently in anticipation of being added to this site. I’m pretty excited to be here, so I hope I have something of value to add! Anyway, all the relevant details are bellow. I will wait nervously for your feedback!

I’m a young woman in my early twenties. I live in the middle of the USA
with my family. My family consists of three children and three adults.
No, we don’t have grandma living with us. We have what is called a polyamorous
relationship. Both myself and the other woman are involved with the
same man. Are you scandalized? My parents are. This is an ongoing
source of drama in my life. I’m sure you will hear about it again.

Most relevant to PB readers- what we have together is a Master/slave dynamic. In this instance He is the
Master, and we are the slaves. In the most simple terms this means that
He gets to control whatever he wants and we get to, well, obey.  When
we fail at the obedience thing is when discipline comes into play. Yes,
it’s usually painful.

There are some external things that go with being a slave. We
address Him as "Sir." We sleep on the floor.  We (read I) take care of
most of the housework.  We usually don’t get to watch what we want on
TV.  Most of these things are actually more subtle than you might
expect, though, and except for there being three of us we don’t look
that different from any of those sappy 1950s TV shows.

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Introducing Bridget as Our Birthday Present

Three years ago today the first entries to the PB went up!  Woot!  And to celebrate, a present for our readers and ourselves.

It’s my pleasure to introduce a new PB writer today.  She’s both thoughtful and delightful and her name is Bridget.  I know my procrastination in getting her added has been long enough that she’s already got her introduction written so you have that delight to look forward to — if you can’t wait, the link to her blog is here.  But I’ll post a few of my own details about young Bridget just as a teaser.

Bridget is in her 20s, part of a poly family and in a Master / slave relationship.  There have been occasions where I’ve heard What It Is We Do contrasted with BDSM and specifically the M/s dynamic but from what I’ve seen we’ve got a great deal in common, specifically in the area of being held accountable to an external authority.  But anyway, I’m looking forward to Bridget’s entries here and everyone’s discussion of them.

Happy 2008 and happy birthday to us!

Domestic Discipline vs. What We Do

Dyke Grrl's explanation in the comments section of the last post regarding why the term "domestic discipline" doesn't work for her reminds me of a conversation A. and I were having a few months back. It was about my bedtime and there were a number of factors complicating what should be a fairly straightforward issue. "I'm just following your lead," A. said finally. "Let me know what you want me to do and I'll do it."

I remember chuckling to myself at the time and thinking you'd never hear that sort of thing on most domestic discipline sites. But then, I've never really considered our disciplinary arrangement "domestic discipline."

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Lurking Out Loud

Hi there.

Yes, we can see you.  Well, sort of anyway.  Our stat counter frequently tells us that there’s more than a thousand readers a day here.  Okay, so some of those are hits from people doing a quick look for pictures (sorry folks) and then moving on.  But a lot of you stay and read.  Some of you comment (and we’re glad of that), but others don’t say anything.

This post is for you.  Because we understand — we’ve all lurked too.  It’s easy to wonder if your comments would be welcome.  Maybe you disagree with something one of us posted (that’s fine, fun even).  We’re all used to disagreement.  Or maybe it seems like we just talk to each other and a small circle of friends.  It is true we know each other, but we want to know you too.   

Go on, post a comment.  What about?  Anything.  Maybe a favorite book? 

I’ll start.  For me, I think my favorite book of all time is Pride and Prejudice (with Jane Eyre running a close second).  I read it the first time at 12 and remember loving it then.  And every time I’ve read it since I’ve found something new to enjoy in the text.  What do I love most about it?  That both Elizabeth and Darcy have to change and develop.  There’s something very romantic about that.

Okay, your turn!  And if you’re a regular or irregular commenter, go ahead and say hi too!

Many thanks to the amazing Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts for organizing Love Our Lurkers day!