About a year ago, W instituted what we call the "potch." It's a Yiddish word that means, basically, a small smack. In our world, it means a few smacks that I get every night at bedtime. It can be as few as one, delivered just to stay in the routine, or a few dozen. It's not a major spanking, and I rarely feel it for more than a few minutes afterward.
And the thing is, even though I thought I would need more than that–even though, perhaps at some times, I do need more than that–it works. It seems meaningless, and in the beginning, there was often a temptation to skip it, because, really, what difference would a few smacks on my bottom make in our dynamic?
But on nights when it's not wise or practical to do the potch (for instance, if my mother-in-law is visiting), our dynamic begins to get out of sync. (Mind you, that could also be due to the stress of having my mother-in-law visiting… but it also happens if we skip for other reasons.)
I think it's the routine, and the continuity that makes it work. W has realized that the potch doesn't need to take more than a minute. It doesn't require absolute presence, and while we do our best to shift away from day-to-day discussions before beginning the potch, we don't, always.
And so our disciplinary life has become quieter, calmer, more routinized. As close to every night as we can manage, W lets me know it's time for my potch. I pull down my pants, she delivers a few smacks, and I thank her. And that's all.
I might make a token effort to wiggle my way out of it, because I don't always want to submit… or, perhaps, because I want to experience W's authority in a more overt way. And then she tells me it's time, and the potch happens.
It builds trust, I think, not because of the spanking but because of the consistency. W initiates it, and she remembers and follows through on it. I can trust that she's going to do it, even if we're busy, even if we're tired, and often enough, even if one or the other of us is sick.
It's such a small thing, and both of us, I think, expected that we'd still need to have more intense spankings on occasion. But, even though I think we might enjoy that, we haven't needed them.
It also means that we need to sort out our emotional state each night. The potch doesn't work if we're not able to connect emotionally, so we have gotten into the habit of clearing things up before we start it. And that, as much as the small act of dominance and submission, may be what makes it work so well.
So, it's not exciting, and it doesn't leave me with much to write about, but it works for us.