H8 – Keep ‘Em Out of Sight

h8[I wrote this for my blog but I’m reposting it here because the discrimination against M/M spanking in the spanking scene is a total kink in my kink as Natty would say.  It makes me feel bad about myself and being part of this scene.  It’s a face of homophobia, something I don’t tolerate in any part of my life and I’m done tolerating in the spanking scene.  Be warned.]

As many of you know, I’m not exactly white. I’m Mexican American or as I prefer to call myself, Chicana. My father and my grandparents were born here in Los Angeles, but my great-grandparents came up from Zacatecas, Mexico.  I grew up in Los Angeles where having a white mother didn’t make me anything but Mexican.  That said, I didn’t experience too much discrimination.  My parents were very careful, protecting my sister, brother and me from the hate and fear that my father’s face and skin color could evoke.  Still, up through the 1980s, they had a hard time moving into white neighborhoods.  Realtors refused to show them homes, tried to steer them to the browner parts of town.  And this was with my mother being white.

My uncle’s family experienced all that and much more. My cousins don’t have a white mother to temper their skin tone and that color’s effect on the neighborhood.  When they moved into a white part of town, a “welcome wagon” met them with a chicken casserole and a request that they keep their children in the backyard for fear the sight of these brown children would lower property values.

So what you say?  Sad, but these are different times, right?

I say wrong and I’m calling our spanking community out on it. What groups like Crimson Moon and Ms. Margaret’s SCONY are doing by not allowing M/M spanking in their groups, what SpankingTube is doing by not having M/M searches come up in their general search is the same damn thing as racial redlining was in a previous generation.  It maybe legally right, but it’s ethically reprehensible.

But, but, some people don’t like M/M spanking.  So what?  I don’t like oral sex.  I don’t ask that it be banned or shunted off into a corner so I don’t have to stumble upon it.  I just avert my gaze and look at something I do like.  For those of you who think you can’t learn to stomach M/M spanking, I urge you to free your mind and grow the fuck up.   If your arousal is so fragile that the sight or suggestion of M/M spanking can take it down, you may need some medical help.  Not everything in the scene has to exist specifically to get you off.

But, but, you agree with me.  Really. You wish these spanking groups or SpankingTube didn’t discriminate.  Then live your beliefs.  Don’t patronize them.   Don’t use their sites.  Don’t go to their parties.  And let them know why you’re not.  That you’d like to, but because of their policy toward M/M spanking in our scene, you can’t.  Then go places like Shadow Lane and SF-CP that are open to everyone whatever their orientation.

But, but, Mija, you’re ranting.

Yes. Yes I am.  Don’t hate. You know you don’t want to.  And don’t support people who can and do.

ADDED: For more information on what SpankingTube is doing and why it sucks see this post by PaulThe Problem with SpankingTube.com

For a less rant-y take on M/M spanking see this post by IndyHomophobia in the Scene.



PS. What did my uncle do? He had his twin brother move in next door with his family.  And then two put up a basketball hoop so all the kids played outside in the street, property values be damned.

9 thoughts on “H8 – Keep ‘Em Out of Sight

  1. dykegrrl

    Thank you, Mija.
    I don’t have much to add, particularly since I’m not particularly involved in the spanking scene. I totally agree that the discrimination against M/M spanking is not only just as bad as discrimination based on race, but that any oppression left unchallenged is going to support other types of oppression.
    I started the forum (thisthingwedo.com) because the domestic discipline forums I found at the time basically told me that my F/F relationship wasn’t really domestic discipline, so I could only post in the “kink” section. I wanted to make a place where it was clear that anyone who considered themselves to be in a consensual disciplinary relationship was welcome.
    When I think about how M/M relationships are even more marginalized, it makes me furious. Just because something doesn’t work for some people doesn’t mean it should be hidden.

  2. Miss. Chief

    I started a thread about homophobia in spanksville on fet life, because I’ve also noticed the trend. Please be aware that Yoni (who is one of the organizers of Crimson Moon, along with his wife Tasha, and good friend Mike) SUPPORTS M/M spanking. I encourage you to read it, and to take note his responses, here is the link.
    You’ll notice many of those who responded, though claiming not to be homophobic, are in fact that very thing. What a terrible thing it is to not know the nature of your own bigotry.
    I find it shameful that men who enjoy spanking play with other men are not openly welcomed.

  3. sadey quinn

    Great post… it is really sad to see ignorance and bigotry coming from minority groups (like the bdsm community).
    Similar things happen all the time. Two women working together in a male-centric environment tend to work harder to “beat” each other, rather than just competing w/ people regardless of sex.
    When we should be standing up and helping each other, we fight. Humans are a weird mix of good and evil.

  4. Colin

    Bigoted people are bigoted whether they belong to a minority or not. Women think that men-bashing is ok aided and abetted by male DJays who want to look cool… lots of examples everywhere of every type of bigotry, sad but true.
    Ranting is one way of getting this across to people, humour is another, slowly but surely, one by one prejudices do fall.

  5. cc

    This is something i’ve noticed a lot too, though I didn’t know the details about SCONY or Spankingtube. Which suck, frankly. If BDSM wants to be a community, they shouldn’t be excluding anyone and we shouldn’t have to go to other sites and events, but realistically, I don’t know how much I see things changing. Call me a cynic.
    Also, I want to say thank you for this post. My personal experience with homophobia, and exclusion in the online spanking community has been so touch and go that I’m only sometimes on the sidelines of it. And posts like this really make me think that its not everyone 🙂

  6. Mike

    I was interested that you call yourself a “chicana.” I did a project for a client in LA and one day I referred to someone as “Hispanic” and was told the correct term is “Latino.” Language can be a real minefield.

  7. Peter

    Squicky isnt hate. A vegan who loses her apetite when eating at he same table with someone who is eating meat, isn’t necessarily a carnivore hater.


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