About consent

This is just a quick note based on some comments we've had here recently.  We all freely to consent and in many cases initiated discipline / punishment relationships.

This is not a blog about wives and girlfriends who get beaten because that's the way wives and girlfriends should be treated by the men or women in their lives.  It's a real life discussion (albeit rather a slow one lately) by women who freely choose this because, for whatever reasons (it varies — just ask us, we've been writing for six years here alone) it works for us. 

How does discipline / punishment work for me?  I like it.  I like the way it makes me feel.  How does it make me feel? Focused.  Loved.  Respected.  Looked after.  Powerful.  That Paul punishes me makes me, well, feel lust in my heart toward him.  If he decided he didn't want to do it anymore, I would feel the loss.  I asked for this — I love that we have this dynamic between us, want Paul to have the power to punish me if and  when he decides to do it.

Go ahead and think me twisted or sick if you want.  But don't paint me as an unwilling victim.  I won't let you. 

10 thoughts on “About consent

  1. Jen

    Too many people have no concept of what we do. They think they know why we do this, that we grew up in abusive situations, have low self esteem, and don’t know anything else. It’s silly of course, because what we do gives us power we might not have otherwise. Giving consent means that we can take it back if or when we want. It’s next to impossible to make somebody understand it, if they’re not wired for it, because they think we’re sick for wanting it.

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  2. Sara

    Mija, Domestic discipline and domestic abuse are simply worlds apart, but to the uninvolved or uninformed, they may look similar. I get that, as I am sure you do too. But we do know what we know, don’t we? Living in a disciplinary relationship was something I had always fantasized about, but held as my secret. In real life it is the best thing that ever happened to me, and our 25 year marriage is the best it has ever been!

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  3. Kaelah

    Mija, as you might already know Ludwig and I don’t practise any form of DD. And since DD isn’t something I seek in my relationship, I guess I am indeed not able to relate completely to your experiences. But I think even someone who isn’t “wired for it”, as Jen put it so nicely, is able to understand from your accounts that DD is something you seek, that your lifestyle is based on consent, trust and love and that it works well for you and doesn’t do you any harm.
    I just hope that the way I used the excerpt from your post “Demon Torrents” in my post about trust from the bottom perspective didn’t upset you and that you didn’t refer to my comment when you wrote this post!

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  4. Mija

    I don’t know. I think a lot of people can and do understand it if they take the time to read what we’re writing and we take the time to explain to them. I’m not saying they become converts and want to be rewired, but I hope I can help people see through my eyes, at least a bit.
    Of course, they have to be open and willing and I have to be willing to explain.
    Then again, sick is okay with me too. Victim isn’t.

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  5. Mija

    Oh no! I love reading about you and Ludwig and like to know that things I write inspire people to think so I enjoy reading how you’re interpreting what I write. I’m really not just talking to people who agree with me.
    It’s just that some of the recent comments on the blog made me feel like there was a lack of understanding that we all consent to — actually not just consent, but specifically asked for these disciplinary relationships. I find it upsetting to read that because of stuff I write here, Paul is being seen by some as abusing me when no one has ever loved me more or made me feel anywhere near as wonderful.

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  6. Kaelah

    Mija, I think I read those comments and I absolutely understand why you wanted to make sure that everyone understands that you seek the form of relationship the two of you have and that Paul isn’t in any way abusive! I would do exactly the same if I had the feeling that Ludwig could be seen as abusive.
    I just wanted to make sure that what wrote in my post was okay with you. I thought so because I used your account as a positive example for trust, but I wasn’t sure whether there might have been some kind of misunderstanding. I’m glad to know that my fear was unfounded! 🙂

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  7. ouchie!

    I recently got into the spanking. Something that has been part of my life as a kid growing up and now as i am an adult but it isnt like the DD thing I ask for it, I allow it, I feel so much better after. It is great when i am just being cranky, it makes me feel better..Ours is not like a abuse thing either it is like me being a bottom. It is on the border of rp and not rp. I cant explain it. I just know how it makes me feel.Yes I can revoke my will at any time but why would I? I think the idea of the blogging it is actually a great idea btw…….

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  8. M. Cerra

    I just wanted to say thanks to all who commented, to newbies like myself and my Master Right, it is very comforting that others are having the same feelings and actions as we are taking….again, thank you to all who wish to share, explain, and inform the rest of the world

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