Not Doing Punishment

i-love-disciplineThis is the first time I’ve written about this at the time rather than after a restart, maybe because the reason doesn’t seem quite as personal as has sometimes been the case.

We’re not doing punishment right now.

The “Why” has a simple and not-so-simple answer.  It’s not something Paul and I have really discussed, so these are simply my reflections.

The short answer: my dad has been living with us most of the time for the past six months. During this time, we’ve not been doing much punishment or discipline or even much play.

This isn’t really a good long answer though.  I suspect we could (and perhaps should) make the adjustment that our friends with children do, seeing time alone as time to play, but we’re not used to doing that.  There are plenty of other punishments / disciplines that don’t involve spanking (we’ve used them too at other times) that we haven’t chosen to do.  It’s been easier just to put kink off with conversations (hot conversations mind) about it and thoughts of what we’ll do when.

I’m not sure that not doing it right now is a bad thing, partly because I tend to like thinking about it or the possibility of it more than the actual doing, but also because playing for us has always built on itself — perhaps a side effect of us spending so long doing long distance.  Discipline and punishment have always been part of our day – to – day life inside our house.  I wonder if changing that to work around my dad would take away from the feeling of “realness.”  I’m also not sure I could ever quite shut off my fear of my dad walking in on us —

— o the horror.

It’s also reminded me (maybe both of us) that I don’t need this to keep my life together. I’m not saying I’m as on top of it as I am when Paul is disciplining me, but I do okay.  I mostly still follow our rules and can still feel him watching over me in a good sort of way.

Yet this is so central to our kink that we also don’t seem to play much without it.  In the past, times when we haven’t been playing much have been times when we’re less close emotionally — one of the reasons I haven’t written about this before.  That doesn’t feel like the case now so it’s hard to remember that we’re not playing much / at all for weeks at a time now.  I miss it, but I don’t (much) fear it not coming back the way I do when we’ve been emotionally or physically distant.

I don’t have any brilliant conclusion here except to reach out and wonder how you feel about such times.

4 thoughts on “Not Doing Punishment

  1. Casey Morgan

    What I really feel and what I want to say don’t agree. I want to say, yeah, for all of our awesome-kinkiness, life is life, and it goes in phases, and many other things matter, too, like the closeness you and P have, and your relationship with your parents. I do mean that, and so I do “really feel” it.
    And I also think a lot about all the play/discipline that didn’t happen during the last year of M’s life, and I absolutely regret it. We weren’t unhappy or in a problem place, but the rest of life was taking center stage. While I don’t dispute that “the rest of life” was important enough to take center stage, I also–when I think honestly back–think we could have made more time for casey and mark. I wish we had, so much.
    This is about me, not you. You can’t live your life with the fear it won’t continue. Listen to what I wanted to say instead of this second bit.

  2. Mija

    Hi Casey,
    I’ve thought a lot about this and I think you’re right — it’s always been important to me not to put the things that are important to P and my relationship off too much. We did that for almost too long when we were long distance and it did do damage. This thing we do is important and shouldn’t become the last thing. At the same time, as I said, overplanning is also a bit of a scene killer for me.
    Fortunately we are going to be able to spend most of September aways from home (between Shadow Lane and a trip to the UK) and away from my dad. I suspect all this will come back into our lives while we’re away — Shadow Lane always seems to have that sort of knock on effect anyway.
    I don’t think you’re wrong to mention how this fits in with you and your experience with M and losing him too young. I do sometimes look at my now and try and appreciate these are very likely the times I’m going to look back on as the happiest of days.
    This realization of my good fortune isn’t enough to keep me from whining though. :-/

  3. Sbmsvschoolgirl

    I am new to this site and the whole punishment thing, i don’t get punished much but i am interested in the concept.
    I just wanted to say that I hope you and P can work things out (and i hope this comment is not inappropriate)

  4. Mija

    Hi there and welcome. There’s certainly nothing inappropriate in your comments.
    I hope you find some thoughts here that help you — feel free to participate as much as you like — we love to hear from readers.


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