Monthly Archives: August 2010

Not Doing Punishment

i-love-disciplineThis is the first time I’ve written about this at the time rather than after a restart, maybe because the reason doesn’t seem quite as personal as has sometimes been the case.

We’re not doing punishment right now.

The “Why” has a simple and not-so-simple answer.  It’s not something Paul and I have really discussed, so these are simply my reflections.

The short answer: my dad has been living with us most of the time for the past six months. During this time, we’ve not been doing much punishment or discipline or even much play.

This isn’t really a good long answer though.  I suspect we could (and perhaps should) make the adjustment that our friends with children do, seeing time alone as time to play, but we’re not used to doing that.  There are plenty of other punishments / disciplines that don’t involve spanking (we’ve used them too at other times) that we haven’t chosen to do.  It’s been easier just to put kink off with conversations (hot conversations mind) about it and thoughts of what we’ll do when.

I’m not sure that not doing it right now is a bad thing, partly because I tend to like thinking about it or the possibility of it more than the actual doing, but also because playing for us has always built on itself — perhaps a side effect of us spending so long doing long distance.  Discipline and punishment have always been part of our day – to – day life inside our house.  I wonder if changing that to work around my dad would take away from the feeling of “realness.”  I’m also not sure I could ever quite shut off my fear of my dad walking in on us —

— o the horror.

It’s also reminded me (maybe both of us) that I don’t need this to keep my life together. I’m not saying I’m as on top of it as I am when Paul is disciplining me, but I do okay.  I mostly still follow our rules and can still feel him watching over me in a good sort of way.

Yet this is so central to our kink that we also don’t seem to play much without it.  In the past, times when we haven’t been playing much have been times when we’re less close emotionally — one of the reasons I haven’t written about this before.  That doesn’t feel like the case now so it’s hard to remember that we’re not playing much / at all for weeks at a time now.  I miss it, but I don’t (much) fear it not coming back the way I do when we’ve been emotionally or physically distant.

I don’t have any brilliant conclusion here except to reach out and wonder how you feel about such times.