i've read a lot of debate about safewords. there are those who are of the opinion that having a safeword makes this thing we do emphatically "kink" rather than discipline. i don't agree with that, not in the least. in theory, i believe that safewords are what distinguishes this thing we do from abuse–that i have the power at any point to say, "hey, this is hurting me in the wrong way, i need it to stop or else i will not be safe."
and a lot of the time, i can do that. i don't formally safeword, but i communicate with w and let her know when something is going wrong. that is a major factor in her willingness to do this thing we do. and it's a responsibility that i have, just as much as i have a responsibility to be honest about whether i've followed the rules, just as much as w has a responsibility to be consistent with enforcing the rules.
about a month ago, that fell apart, on both sides.