How to describe a long, hard punishment spanking

Chastened.

Repentant.

Broken.

Sore.

I keep wishing I knew how to put into words what a really long, hard punishment spanking feels like. I mean, obviously it hurts. The hairbrush, ping-pong paddle or even his hand stings so much that I whimper and squirm and kick and desperately wish it would end.

And while I might be cheeky and even a little impudent to start off with, by the end I’m usually penitent and chastened. Not to mention meek and obedient. And sore. Very sore.

But I’m also happy. Gratified. Serene.

Sure there are endorphines involved, and I may indeed be a bit high on them afterwards. But it’s something more.

Perhaps the closest word that explains that wonderful, dreamy sort of feeling after a spanking is content. Like that sigh you make when you cuddle up to the person who just a few minutes earlier was hurting you but only because he genuinely cherishes you and wants desperately to see that you are nurtured and provided for.

Yes, I think it’s knowing that I’m his cherished little girl. That I have the freedom to be child-like without fear of being less than an adult.

Maybe it has something to do with being so vulnerable. Of showing in all it’s ugliness that thing I loathe — failure — and having him remove it with his hand or paddle or hairbrush. It hurts, but it’s gone and I don’t have to live with it shadowing me. And throughout its expulsion, he doesn’t think any less of me. Doesn’t love me any less. If only for a moment, I forget my terror of being bad or a burden or abandoned.

There’s something magical that happens when we cuddle after the spanking. Like some sort of alchemy where everything turns golden. A spell that makes the world — for a few moments at least — feel perfect. Safe. Blissful.

Joyful.

Spiritual.

Contented.

I dunno. There’s a thesaurus full of words I could probably use but it still wouldn’t quite explain it. Or the thrill in thinking about the spanking later in every minute detail. The giddiness that comes with remembering that feeling of genuine remorse. I was naughty – for real – and got punished. And I’m still okay.

I’m sure the magic spell requires touching. Yes, it’s the touching that binds all the ingredients in the potion. The synergy required for transcendence.

Mystical.

Transcendent.

Communion.

Yes, I think that’s the word. We humans are communal beings and for many of us spankos, a long, hard disciplinary spanking is an act of communion. And that makes it a spiritual act. Why it is so powerful. So much more than just a neurochemical reaction…

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I hunted for this draft post this afternoon while I was writing a post at my own blog about spirituality and spanking. It was initially just a freewrite that I thought needed some work to be honed into a post. But after reading it again after not looking at it for months, it seemed to be not only a nice post in and of itself, but also a nice companion piece — as it’s focused exclusively on punishment — to the post linked to at the beginning of this paragraph.

19 thoughts on “How to describe a long, hard punishment spanking

  1. Mija

    I’m glad you wrote it, whatever the reason. It’s a lovely bit of writing. This especially rang true for me:
    “I was naughty – for real – and got punished. And I’m still okay…. I’m sure the magic spell requires touching. Yes, it’s the touching that binds all the ingredients in the potion. ”
    That’s very beautiful. 🙂
    Plus this means I’d feel bad writing yet another RL punishment account and posting it today. So you’ve saved me! Thanks kiddo.
    hugs!

    Reply
  2. Playtoy's puppy

    WOW! You are very eloquent with words and I could relate to alot of what you wrote. I am a submissive and this post is the closest to what it personally feels in all aspects to be spanked.
    KUDOS!

    Reply
  3. Natty

    Mija — Thanks so much! And I’m always happy to help out a fellow PBer with postponing what might be an, um, uncomfortable post.
    Playtoy’s puppy — Thank you! You made my day. I’m glad it resonated with you. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Paul

    Natty, this very beautiful and exactly what I would have talked to you about.
    In all the blogs that I read, M/s, D/s or D D, I note a frequently covert spirituality, often I’m sure that they are not conscious of it.
    Especially in those who take the submissive role, the seeking to be perfect for the Master or Dom reminds me of the early aesthetics seeking their concept of perfection to honour their god.
    24/7 slaves and submissives remind me of Nuns and Monks in their cloisters striving to achieve perfection to serve their god.
    I was in a 24/7 D/s marriage, in it we both grew immensely, when Mel my wife had served me as perfectly as a human can, I would catch a look on her face as if she had seen heaven, she told me that I had a look that shone.
    Everything that is, is a child of god and wholly spiritual.
    In a world where religions have been adulterated by princes and politicians, many of us seek a different path.
    It seems to me that this thing that we do is as good a path as any.
    I am not a Christian, I follow no recognised religion, I am drawn to Wicca.
    Thank you for a very good thought provoking post and the opportunity to exchange ideas.
    By the way I am the Paul that commented on your other blog yesterday. 😀
    Warm hugs,
    Paul.

    Reply
  5. a.n.v.

    I’ve recently entered a disciplinary dynamic with someone with whom I am not otherwise romantically or sexually involved; we see each other only for punishment sessions. This means that I get the chastened/repentant/sore part without the perfect/cherished/nurtured part right afterwards. (OK, my boyfriend will be somewhat sympathetic when I come home but mostly he just knows I deserved it and will say so.) So far it is working for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish I had it your way. Thanks for your words.

    Reply
  6. Iris

    Natty, my dear,
    As is so often the case, you have found words to express the ineffable. Thank you for that beautiful essay on the experience of having been punished. I think the experience of the pain of discipline is not at the heart of it for most of us; most of us crave the intimacy, the forgiveness, the touch, the being known and loved and accepted.
    Gorgeous.
    Hugs,
    Iris

    Reply
  7. Natty

    Hmm…think I’m going to do this in three separate comments so as not to have one super long one.
    Paul — Yep, I knew you were the same Paul when I read the first sentence! Thanks for expounding a bit on your comment on my blog. 🙂
    This whole post was initially a free write/journaling sort of exercise after a punishment last winter where I wanted to write what it was I was feeling before the glow wore off. Over the last four years of blogging about spanking and punishment, as well as two years of posting online at SSS before that, I’ve tried so hard to figure out how to articulate what the hell is going on with punishment as it felt so extremely powerful. But I never quite managed it.
    So this post is literally my sort of stream of consciousness that day as I tried to put my finger on the dynamic. I kept throwing out words, checked the thesaurus, and wrote some thoughts about those words until finally I hit on the word “transcendent” and then “communion.” Suddenly it was like, eureka! I’ve found it! That’s what it is!
    More and more I’ve come to think that religion’s hold on sex over the millennia has simply reflected the economic-societal realities surrounding pro-creation (children as economic assets, inheritance, etc.). Many of those issues are no longer as important in modern, industrialized social democracies. But I think religion has not changed with society because I think there is something intrinsically spiritual in sex and on some level — perhaps not consciously, but present nonetheless — they know it. And that means competition (not to mention that religion is tradition-based and thus will always be slower to change).
    Now, I don’t think there necessarily *has* to be competition. Sex and the punishment dynamic I have with my boyfriend can never, say, replace the Divine Liturgy for me. But as a (Byzantine) Catholic, I see the Church’s present unwillingness to address the connection between sex and spirituality beyond a focus on procreation to be really unfortunate. And at the end of the day, mostly unfortunate for the Church because it is marginalizing itself more and more in a society that has tasted the communion that comes through personality-fulfilling and highly intimate forms of sex (which can even be a one night stand) and aren’t going to return to repressing that.
    I too have often thought that D/s does share a lot in common with Catholic traditions of religious vocations, not to mention certain orders like Opus Dei, or the Orthodox tradition of serving/learning from a spiritual father. I’ve also seen it in Christian Domestic Discipline, even as I disagree strongly with its intrinsic patriarchy.
    Thank again for posting your comment. It spurred a lot of thoughts for me (er…as this tome of a comment demonstrates lol).

    Reply
  8. Natty

    a.n.v — Thanks for joining the discussion. 🙂
    My very first disciplinary relationship was exactly like the kind you describe, except that I didn’t have a boyfriend in addition to my disciplinarian. It was very exciting for me because I had craved that sort of discipline for so so long.
    However, it ended up being very tough for me because I was emphatic about keeping the relationship asexual, which means I never got cuddled afterwards, which led me to just keeping feeling bad that I had to be punished rather than the cared for feeling I get now. Not that I think this person *didn’t* care. I think he actually did. But now, being in a relationship where my disciplinarian is also my lover, there’s lots of cuddling afterwards leading to that post-punishment warm, fuzzy high — but not warm and fuzzy in an overtly sexual way. Rather the cared about — communion sense.
    It was also problematic in that my disciplinarian wasn’t really a part of my life so he wasn’t able to judge if the goals I was setting were manageable, or if there were mitigating circumstances for my failures (there was — serious illness that I was in complete denial about). Over time I began to realize the dynamic just didn’t work for me.
    Your situation sounds a little different as you have a boyfriend to cuddle with (and who sounds like he’s at least sympathetic to your need for discipline if not able to administer). I’m curious how that may or may not change such a dynamic.
    I guess I’m telling my long tale here as a way of saying I understand what you mean about missing the perfect/cherished/nurtured part. 🙂

    Reply
  9. Natty

    Iris — Awww, thank you so much!
    You’re absolutely right. Pain really isn’t at the heart of the discipline dynamic; it’s the communion and intimacy. I think that’s why I hesitate to call myself a masochist because I don’t necessarily get off on the pain (though how I do love those endorphines – I’m a friggin’ junkie!) but rather the various elements of punishment.
    Though I’m definitely realizing as I top more that I totally get off on giving pain, and thus, feel the “sado-” part of the label is fairly accurate. 😉

    Reply
  10. Sandy

    Wow, that touched my heart. I have someone who spanks, cares about, and cuddles me. However that is as far as it goes. Oh what I wouldn’t give to have all that as part of a relationship. Sigh.

    Reply
  11. Natty

    I’m glad it touched your heart! I remember well what it was like to have a disciplinarian but not the relationship, and I know how hard that can be. I wish you the best of luck in finding that special someone.

    Reply
  12. Natty

    Is this Ling from the newsgroup who I use to chat with on Yahoo? If so, I’ve been thinking about you lately and wondering how you were doing.
    If you’re not, thank you for your kind comment!

    Reply
  13. Raven

    Natty,
    How profoundly wonderful and grace filled to have just returned from the Easter Vigil after a semi long self-imposed exile from many things Catholic, and stumble upon this post. Several times during the Vigil, the sensuality of the Rite appealed to me in ways that BDSM does and reminded me of the power of good ritual, in matters physical, spiritual, and in that most profoundly sacred mystery where sex and spirit meet.
    Having experienced the beauty of the renewal of baptismal promises and the penitential rite sort of bound up in it, I was very much reminded tonight of the power of BDSM to enable one (me) to let go of guilt and experience grace.
    I’ve been wondering lately about the possibility of these parts of myself intersecting – not so much in kinky role play, but in something real, and I wonder about the possibility/feasibility/desirability of perhaps getting to experience a BDSM session after experiencing sacramental confession…that is, having the physical experience of repentance, penance, and forgiveness to accompany the reality that has just been acknowledged in the confessional. I’d be curious as to your thoughts (or experience) if you’d be willing to share, or if not, I very much understand.
    In any case – how truly profound and blessed to read this tonight.
    Blessings,
    Raven

    Reply
  14. MacSpank

    I agree with you folks! The intimacy and warmness are far more important the the pain. I am currently seeking a lady of like attitude…submissive and appreciative of recieving her spanking! MacSpank

    Reply
  15. sixofthebest

    Yes, punishment spankings are meant to pain the naughty ladies, that deservedly get them. Yes, there bare bottoms, have to sting, must sting, and most of all are given to sting., be it with the hand, paddle, hairbrush, birchrod, cane, or whip. So except it naughty ladies, except the obvious, that your bare bottoms will hurt, and sting.

    Reply

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