So, after a not entirely intentional hiatus over the summer and early fall, W. and I are working on getting our "system" working (again).  It’s a struggle, and I’ll probably wind up posting much more about it later.  This stuff is hard work!

We’ve been going through the rules, and trying to set things up so that 1, they’re actually useful for both of us, and 2, so that the consequences work for both of us.  And I’m working on getting myself to trust that they will work, which is even more difficult.

One of the issues is lying (and, how unfair is this, she’s including "lying by omission," which is my usual tendency, since I’m actually a pretty bad liar face to face).  She’s looking for ideas about specific punishments for telling lies.  (I think being required to play 200 rounds of Word Whomp online would be a fitting punishment, but I think she’d disagree.)

W’s also going to be getting her blog up and running, and plans to be asking a lot more questions this time around.  When that’s been done, I’ll probably post about it, and encourage people to surf over and comment there.

Also, on a somewhat related note, if anyone knows of a DD-type forum where the people don’t do the whole "this setup works because men are naturally more responsible and women are weak, and that’s how God ordained things to be" thing, and where they won’t object to a same-sex couple, it would be really helpful if you could let me know.

Thanks.  I’ll hopefully post in more detail when I have longer than 15 minutes to do so.

12 thoughts on “Re-starting

  1. M.

    Yay! I’m looking forward to seeing W’s blog. I’ve been your reader for awhile and would like to be hers too. D. and I are on Livejournal but would love to know if you find a DD based same sex friendly forum or space. So far, all I’ve found is heavily straight or not in line with our fairly equal structure. You can find us on livejournal as “nekiayalc” or “harvardval” or here’s my vanilla blog –

  2. Kat

    I would also be interested in reading a same-sex blog, or stories, or whatever. In fact, this is the first place I have ever seen a real-life sam/sex DD blog. Keep me posted!
    Good luck!

  3. Rose

    There is a Yahoo group called OTKDomesticDiscipline2 that is open to all couples. I’m on it, and I’ve found the people there to be very open and welcoming. 🙂
    Good luck to you.

  4. Megs

    I thought this WAS the “DD-type forum where the people don’t do the whole “this setup works because men are naturally more responsible and women are weak, and that’s how God ordained things to be” thing, and where they won’t object to a same-sex couple”…
    Good luck, glad things are going back on track.

  5. Dyke Grrl

    Thanks all for the comments.
    I guess the word forum does have a broader meaning than I’d intended in the post. Specifically what I’m looking for is a bulletin-board setup, where things are sorted by topic. I’m starting to think there’s sufficient interest that it would be worth setting one up.
    Rose, thanks for the suggestion of the Yahoo group. I’ll suggest it to W., because she tends to do better with that style of forum than I do.
    And, yes, the PB *is* a good space for people who acknowledge that DD really isn’t based on “women are weak, men are strong, God made it that way.” And, clearly, they don’t object to a same-sex couple, because around here, it doesn’t disrupt anyone’s idea of what DD means.
    M–Thanks for reminding me about your LJ. I’ll have to remember to log in with my non-vanilla account, so that I can keep up with it.

  6. Rose

    I haven’t been able to find one of those kinds of forums that isn’t totally traditional Christian. I wish there were though. I participate in other spanking chat boards, but when I’ve posted about being punished, I’ve still gotten a “that’s totally twisted, what’s wrong with you?” response. I wish that there were a “Punishment Book” board; it’s exactly the type of thing I’ve been looking for!
    I’d create one myself, only I don’t know the first thing about setting up a chat board…

  7. W

    Chat and Bulletin Board are two different things. I prefer chat, my mind thinks better in conversation, and DG likes posting long missives. Good thing I like reading them!
    Which would you all like better? Just curious. DG is thinking of starting something, and this is like a poll.
    But, back to the original question, what would you (or your friendly neighborhood top) do about the lying? DG thinks it should just be a slightly more severe version of whatever it was she got in trouble for. I dunno. But that’s kind of the problem. I never know what to do. Once I KNOW, I am fairly comfortable enacting it.

  8. Dyke Grrl

    Sorry for posting, and then not responding. Last week was a (fortunately brief) re-entry to crazyville for me, and I just wasn’t especially together.
    But things are back on a slightly more even keel again, and I managed to create a forum. I think I’ll manage to get a chat board up either today or early next week.
    For those who want to check it out, go to Everything seems to be working there right now, but let me know if you can’t log on or something.

  9. Rose

    Dyke Grrl – Thank you thank you thank you! This is exactly the kind of forum I’ve been looking for! I’m on other forums, but they haven’t been quite right for me, since I’m not doing it because of religious beliefs, or because I believe women are inherently submissive, or some such nonsense. Anyway, I registered for the forum the moment I saw your comment. I’m just waiting for my activation email to come through so that I can start posting!

  10. N

    Hi there–I’m very new both to DD, and to same-sex, um, coupling. 😉
    I’ll be bookmarking your blog, and frequenting it often, I can tell.
    Just wanted to say (and I’m definitely the more submissive in the relationship) between my partner and I, lying would most definitely earn its own very specific and probably severe punishment. We haven’t strayed too far into punishments other than spanking, but it would certainly be a separate spanking…
    Now, that could just be b/c my partner (and me, as well) is personally offended by being lied to–she considers it disrespectful, and is damn near a deal-breaker for her.
    Meh, just my .02, but if lying (even by omission) is an issue, I’d be tempted to set up a specific (and dreaded/hated) punishment only used for lying, or something along those lines…
    And, *waves* hi! 😉

  11. Dyke Grrl

    Hey, thanks N. Yes, lying should not happen. Mostly, it’s not so much that I *lie* as that I intentionally leave out information or deliberately misinterpret the question. Some, it’s to spare myself, and some, it’s on the admittedly warped logic that W doesn’t *want* to punish me, so I should spare her the stress….
    Ah well.
    Glad you’re checking out my blog. I really ought to try to post there more often! And check out the DD forum that I started ( ). The people who have joined so far (aside from spammers) all seem to be great people to discuss all of this stuff with. Plus, I have some cool smilies there. ;P


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