Kinks in Our Punishment Kink: Insecurity

One of the best things about the Punishment Book, in my opinion, is that among the eight of us authors, we have a lot of years of scene experience.  Some of us have been part of the online community from its earliest seeds.  Some of us are regular party-goers.  Some of us are well-respected authors.  All of us have spent years coming to terms with our kink: running from it, refining it, chiding ourselves, feeling the warm rush of acceptance (from ourselves and others), nurturing others, relishing it, and living with a strongly empowered sense of identity.

And after all those years of struggle?  Ta da!  We’re all accomplished scene advisors.  We have individual web sites and all contribute to this highly respected blog.  Which must mean that we’re all completely over the insecurities of this kinky identity, right?


I had a kink insecurity crisis a few weeks ago, and Natty just posted about one recently

I guess this shows that we can think about discipline/spanking, talk about it, write about it, and live it out in relationships, but we will always keep wrestling with it.  In many ways this seems like a good thing: we still find new edges to push and new territory to explore, we are not blasé or bored with this wonderful gift.  But when I’m going through those pangs of insecurity, that rush of "I shouldn’t need to be spanked for this because I’m an adult and this kink feels wrong anyway," I don’t feel confident or authoritative.  I just feel vulnerable.

So why am I posting?   Because I know that I share this periodic struggle and vulnerability (in different ways) with all my fellow authors here and I know that we are all honest enough to admit it.  And I firmly believe that this is the Punishment Book’s greatest contribution to the online community.  We are real women, working through this kink in different stages of different relationships.  We love ourselves, we love each other, and we mostly (sometimes) love this crazy thing we have for being spanked, for being punished. 

Even when it’s hard.

7 thoughts on “Kinks in Our Punishment Kink: Insecurity

  1. Rose

    Amen, Iris. This blog is what enabled me to delurk, and what has enabled me to continue to participate, even when I’ve received those “what, you get punished? You freak!” comments from other spankos.
    And it is actually comforting to know that you all have the same insecurities. It helps to know I’m not alone. 🙂

  2. Dyke Grrl

    I’m sitting on a thoroughly spanked bottom while I think about this. There is so much vulnerability, and risk, and, I don’t know, admitting to imperfection that goes on with this kink. I guess it’s a really direct form of struggling with being human, since it’s not like I wouldn’t have to wrestle with human inadequacy *without* having the punishment stuff going on.
    On a lot of levels, I try to manage on my own because I don’t feel like I deserve the energy required from W to provide the discipline. I feel like, in order to earn my place in the world, I’m supposed to be self-sufficient, and able to just follow rules without needing the punishments that enforce those rules (or else to respond to the threat of punishment, or to mild punishments, or to not need rules in the first place… whatever it is I’m “supposed to be,” it rarely seems to mesh with who I *am*.)
    I guess I should make a longer post about this separately, rather than taking over the comments. I think I’ll work on that over the next day or so.

  3. Natty

    Yup, it’s true: insecurity is always lurking in the background.
    Most of the time it’s worrying about being a burden to my partner, though there have been other insecurities as well. And most of the time I’ve learned to just accept I go through insecure times and try to focus on Just…Get…Through…It as I know it *will* pass. But every now and then I get stuck in the muck of it all and it takes awhile to be able to step back and remember my mantra. Especially when it’s something that doesn’t have a definitive answer one way or the other.
    And yeah, it is indeed nice to know I’m not the only one who gets stuck in insecurity muck. 🙂

  4. Raven

    A thoughtful post – and reassuring. If y’all can express insecurity about the kink, then surely I can too, as I wrestle with the simultaneous desire to have a relationship that has space for my own punishment kink and how it scares me immensely to admit thst to myself let alone anyone else.
    Be blessed,

  5. maryhammilton

    I have wanted to be spanked since I was A child. My husband thinks this is sick. How do I find a safe disciplinarian. There are lots of ad but I am leery. Need a spanking in New Fairfield Ct.


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