Monthly Archives: October 2007

Domestic Discipline vs. What We Do

Dyke Grrl's explanation in the comments section of the last post regarding why the term "domestic discipline" doesn't work for her reminds me of a conversation A. and I were having a few months back. It was about my bedtime and there were a number of factors complicating what should be a fairly straightforward issue. "I'm just following your lead," A. said finally. "Let me know what you want me to do and I'll do it."

I remember chuckling to myself at the time and thinking you'd never hear that sort of thing on most domestic discipline sites. But then, I've never really considered our disciplinary arrangement "domestic discipline."

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This thing we do

Just a quick post for anyone who missed the announcement in the comments section.  I have started an online bulletin board/forum thingy around the subject of domestic discipline.  It's basically a place for people who either don't fit in very well at the other DD-type forums, or who would prefer to hang out with the rest of us misfits (you know, the ones who aren't necessarily straight or Christian or believing that women are ordained by God to submit to their male partners; the main rule I have is that you have to respect that what works for you may or may not work for anyone else.)

So if you're interested, click on over an join.  (And if you're a spammer, know that spam posts will be deleted asap, and spammers will be banned.)

Kinks in Our Punishment Kink: Insecurity

One of the best things about the Punishment Book, in my opinion, is that among the eight of us authors, we have a lot of years of scene experience.  Some of us have been part of the online community from its earliest seeds.  Some of us are regular party-goers.  Some of us are well-respected authors.  All of us have spent years coming to terms with our kink: running from it, refining it, chiding ourselves, feeling the warm rush of acceptance (from ourselves and others), nurturing others, relishing it, and living with a strongly empowered sense of identity.

And after all those years of struggle?  Ta da!  We’re all accomplished scene advisors.  We have individual web sites and all contribute to this highly respected blog.  Which must mean that we’re all completely over the insecurities of this kinky identity, right?

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Lurking Out Loud

Hi there.

Yes, we can see you.  Well, sort of anyway.  Our stat counter frequently tells us that there’s more than a thousand readers a day here.  Okay, so some of those are hits from people doing a quick look for pictures (sorry folks) and then moving on.  But a lot of you stay and read.  Some of you comment (and we’re glad of that), but others don’t say anything.

This post is for you.  Because we understand — we’ve all lurked too.  It’s easy to wonder if your comments would be welcome.  Maybe you disagree with something one of us posted (that’s fine, fun even).  We’re all used to disagreement.  Or maybe it seems like we just talk to each other and a small circle of friends.  It is true we know each other, but we want to know you too.   

Go on, post a comment.  What about?  Anything.  Maybe a favorite book? 

I’ll start.  For me, I think my favorite book of all time is Pride and Prejudice (with Jane Eyre running a close second).  I read it the first time at 12 and remember loving it then.  And every time I’ve read it since I’ve found something new to enjoy in the text.  What do I love most about it?  That both Elizabeth and Darcy have to change and develop.  There’s something very romantic about that.

Okay, your turn!  And if you’re a regular or irregular commenter, go ahead and say hi too!

Many thanks to the amazing Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts for organizing Love Our Lurkers day!


So, after a not entirely intentional hiatus over the summer and early fall, W. and I are working on getting our "system" working (again).  It’s a struggle, and I’ll probably wind up posting much more about it later.  This stuff is hard work!

We’ve been going through the rules, and trying to set things up so that 1, they’re actually useful for both of us, and 2, so that the consequences work for both of us.  And I’m working on getting myself to trust that they will work, which is even more difficult.

One of the issues is lying (and, how unfair is this, she’s including "lying by omission," which is my usual tendency, since I’m actually a pretty bad liar face to face).  She’s looking for ideas about specific punishments for telling lies.  (I think being required to play 200 rounds of Word Whomp online would be a fitting punishment, but I think she’d disagree.)

W’s also going to be getting her blog up and running, and plans to be asking a lot more questions this time around.  When that’s been done, I’ll probably post about it, and encourage people to surf over and comment there.

Also, on a somewhat related note, if anyone knows of a DD-type forum where the people don’t do the whole "this setup works because men are naturally more responsible and women are weak, and that’s how God ordained things to be" thing, and where they won’t object to a same-sex couple, it would be really helpful if you could let me know.

Thanks.  I’ll hopefully post in more detail when I have longer than 15 minutes to do so.