M and I got back from Shadow Lane a little over a week ago, and I've had lots to think about since then. I had a wonderful time there: saw lots of old friends, met some new ones, and got to play with people I like very much. This hasn't always been my preferred (ahem) position at parties. For a long time I only went to socialize; I didn't want to play with anyone other than my primary partner. That has to do with an experience from a long time ago that did not happen at a party but colored my opinion about public play.
Anyway, I've changed my tune and now very much enjoy playing with a few people at parties.
I can't/don't play with many people for several reasons. One, I like to play fairly hard. This involves both interest and trust on both sides–and those things take time to discover. The other is that it takes so much emotional energy for me to play that I simply can't do it with many people or I become the emotional equivalent of Jell-o. Which kind of kills the party buzz.
Anyway, the reason I'm posting this here, rather than on my blog, is that I realized how much I've missed playing with people. M and I are in the process of moving in together, but we still live separate lives. Discipline is so much at the heart of my kink that that's what we end up doing most of the time. But I really do enjoy being spanked just for the fun of it. For the endorphin rush. For the shock value. For the deep muscle burn later. For the sexual fulfillment. For the playful banter.
And I want more of that. I think my kink is out of whack (so to speak), and I want to figure out how to balance it again