Out of Whack

M and I got back from Shadow Lane a little over a week ago, and I've had lots to think about since then.  I had a wonderful time there: saw lots of old friends, met some new ones, and got to play with people I like very much.  This hasn't always been my preferred (ahem) position at parties.  For a long time I only went to socialize; I didn't want to play with anyone other than my primary partner.  That has to do with an experience from a long time ago that did not happen at a party but colored my opinion about public play.

Anyway, I've changed my tune and now very much enjoy playing with a few people at parties.

I can't/don't play with many people for several reasons.  One, I like to play fairly hard.  This involves both interest and trust on both sides–and those things take time to discover.  The other is that it takes so much emotional energy for me to play that I simply can't do it with many people or I become the emotional equivalent of Jell-o.  Which kind of kills the party buzz.

Anyway, the reason I'm posting this here, rather than on my blog, is that I realized how much I've missed playing with people.  M and I are in the process of moving in together, but we still live separate lives.  Discipline is so much at the heart of my kink that that's what we end up doing most of the time.  But I really do enjoy being spanked just for the fun of it.  For the endorphin rush.  For the shock value.  For the deep muscle burn later.  For the sexual fulfillment.  For the playful banter.

And I want more of that.  I think my kink is out of whack (so to speak), and I want to figure out how to balance it again

3 thoughts on “Out of Whack

  1. Natty

    I’m glad you all had so much fun at Shadow Lane. One of these days I’m going to make it — fingers crossed! 🙂
    How do you find playing with others different from non-disciplinary spanking with M.? I would imagine the emotional intensity is less, but I was curious if there was more about playing you miss.

  2. Iris

    Good question, Natty. Part of the answer is that I don’t think I *miss* anything playing with others instead of M–it’s sort of like comparing apples and oranges. M doesn’t do role play, for example, but HH loves it. So I get to do that with another person. M knows me better than anyone else, so there is an emotional intimacy between us that isn’t present with others. However, I play with very few people, so the tops I play with are ones I trust completely. Which also means that I can play hard with them and not worry about safety. So I’m not missing physical intensity and I’m not worried about emotional stability.
    Another part of the answer is that I get a kick out of the variety and I love being able to tell M about it later. That’s one of our favorite parts of Shadow Lane, actually: snuggling together in our room at the end of the night and talking about our separate play sessions. And then it’s always fun to play with someone else in front of M. He definitely has voyeuristic tendencies, so he loves watching me get spanked and I love having him as an audience. It makes me feel safe and proud and excited.
    Hope this makes sense–I’m just coming off a migraine and feeling a little woozy. 🙂

  3. sparkle

    Chris is voyeuristic, too, which is why he’s always trying to get you to spank me. 😉
    I don’t think there’s anything wrong, actually, with limiting your play to the kind you really crave and that you actually want to experience – the kind that brings on that intense subspace and for which you afterwards need your bed, a teddy bear (or M), Arnica, and a few hours of sleep. That being said, it’s really not the type of thing you can do with a random JohnnyAmish you’ve just met. While he might be the best spanker or Dom in existence, he doesn’t know or understand YOU: your strengths, your ability to tell him if he’s a little off, or your wonderfully happy sighs when it’s just right. And there’s no reason in the world why you should trust someone you’ve not watched and/or played with before with what’s inside your beautiful head or with a heavy strap that you’re worried might miss the mark.
    I could go on, but you’d probably get tired of the compliments!
    So if bending over to get random smacks in the vendor fair doesn’t excite you, don’t offer it up. And (here’s the pot calling the kettle black) focus on identifying a few good tops you’d like to play with next time around.
    As far as getting your kink back IN whack, how about setting a goal to have one non-punishment spanking … a week (or, twice a month, so you have plenty of time to recover)? From M or from someone else, I mean. If M was in on this, it could be fun. 🙂


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