You want to spank me with WHAT?

I’ve been trying to compose a detailed post catching everyone up on my life, but it’s taking too much time and getting too long-winded.  So here’s the update: M and I are back together.  And doing very well.  We are reincorporating discipline back into our relationship (though Chris still has disciplinary power too–now I have multiple tops watching me!).  And M has decided that he needs to spank me as close in time to my transgressions as possible.  Which means, given my living quarters, that we need a very quiet implement.

Sigh.  Show of hands: does anyone know what the quietest spanking implement in the world is?

A wire coat hanger.

That’s right.  It hurts like hell but is almost completely silent. 

Obviously I have a lot of thoughts about this, but I’m interested in others’ thoughts and experiences with coat hangers and other nasty [expletive deleted] implements.  Have you had one used on you/used one on someone else?  Do you hate it?  Are you secretly intrigued by it?  Does it squick you?  (It squicks me a lot, and I’m getting all too used to it.)

47 thoughts on “You want to spank me with WHAT?

  1. Nelle

    Wow, hate and squick and yes I’ve been on the recieving end but not in a long long time. What I remember most is the delay: the swoosh sound and thinking ‘thats not so bad’ just before the pain rushed in- severe pain! And the bruising was really deep. Brutal.(But that was with an ex of mine not noted for finesse, safety or sanity.)
    You know you can get super thin canes that are similarly quiet but less damaging, ditto switches. Keeping the sound down is a real struggle for us too. Good luck.
    Nelle

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  2. Megs

    Squicks me a bit too… but if you’re looking for a FUN implement that’s quiet, try a metal turner/spatula. We got one a while back and I was expecting it to be pretty brutal… surprisingly it was nice and thuddy with just a bit of sting… lovely. It’s a good heavy one. Our quiet punishment implement is a lexan cane… I haven’t had the displeasure of having it used on me yet but I’m not looking forward to it.

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  3. Raven

    It seems that Adam and Gillian a while back had something called a Loopy Johnny that was very quiet and quite wicked.
    Sorry…wire hangers would squick me too much. 🙂
    Raven

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  4. Iris

    OK, the ONLY one of you to offer a helpful comment was sparkle. *Thank you*, my dear.
    As for the rest of you, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! M reads this blog too, you know!

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  5. Fireman Chris

    I read it too. 😉 And I think the only reason Sparkle used the “S” word (squick) is that we’re now in a condo complex and need to consider noise as well. And have a large collection of wire coat hangers.
    But the Loopy Johnny is an excellent suggestion, Raven. I think Ian (the London Tanner) makes a leather version of it now too. May have to pick one of those up at the SL party.

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  6. Dyke Grrl

    Check out Natty’s post about her version of the Loopy Johnny: http://nattyspanked.blogspot.com/2007/01/bend-me-over-like-beckham.html#comments
    Don’t bother with my post on the same topic, since the one we made causes the recipient to be rather noisy which, obviously, is not the goal.
    Another thought: Those long, thin silicone spatulas they sell at the cooking store (the ones with a metal core) are surprisingly quiet, as is a good wooden spoon, but without (for me) quite the squick associations, and greater flexibility in the severity (good for tops who want to have some discretion in how they are delivering… attention).

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  7. Natty

    Yeah, it’s true: that flogger/loopy toy is very quiet. And brutal.
    The whole time I’ve known A. we’ve had people living on the other side of very thin walls (student housing, terraced housing, HUD housing) and we’ve never had any problems. And, quite frankly, we never really worry about the noise, despite the, um, *interesting* neighbors that I have. 😉
    Well, okay, I think when we were at his place in England (terraced housing – basically row houses built in the 1800s) he wouldn’t use really noisy implements after 10pm or so. And I think we’ve usually closed the patio door or the windows when he spanks me. But that’s been about the extent of our consideration for our neighbors sensitive ears.
    Nice to hear from you and glad to hear things are going well. ::hugs::

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  8. Janey

    Dear Iris
    How lovely that you are back with your M.
    As for noise, well like Natty, consideration for the neighbours extends to a closed back door and a pulling across of the curtain. To be frank, I am always so excited by the prospect of being spanked, strapped or caned by S that everything else just goes out of the window so to speak !!!
    Enjoy!
    Love from Janey XXX

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  9. Rob

    Dear Iris,
    Two disciplinarians!! Well aren’t you the lucky girl – or not! LOL
    If coat hangers aren’t your thing, and I can certainly understand that, why not just use whatever you want, and try to disguise the noise being made on both ends with a diversion.
    Put on a CD or the television or the radio, and it will all just blend in – or at least next door they couldn’t be sure what noise was what. The tv might be best. I rarely watch it but often hear it when the kids are watching and I am making dinner, and trust me, someone is always screaming and shouting, even in the animated stuff, so you will just blend in.
    Best wishes.

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  10. Malcolm

    An effective quiet implement can be made from the hard leather drive belt of a treadle sewing machine. Cut into three or four equal pieces, bind the ends to a stick with wire or string and there you have it. To make a loopy johnny, make the pieces longer (two is enough) and double them into a loop before binding.

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  11. Iris

    People, people, people!
    I was distinctly NOT asking for advice on how to make still more horrible yet silent implements. Nor do I need to know how to better muffle the screams I will emit with use of said implements. Sheesh. M and Chris have enough sadistic ideas on their own, thank you very much!
    I AM interested in stories about horrible things that have happened to you. I was looking for sympathy and solidarity, not lessons!

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  12. Rob

    OH!!!!!!! (giggle,giggle) My experience of the odd time a coat hanger has passed over my bottom is that it stings like hell, and it should be made very clear to both M and Chris that it is NOT OK to use coathangers. Nor big custom made wooden spoons which also hurt like hell. Furthermore, I sympathize with you from the bottom of my heart. Is that better???

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  13. Dyke Grrl

    Hm. Horrible stories. Actually, I don’t think I have any of those (although W. firmly believes that the reason the former upstairs neighbors used to complain about the noise of our toilet lid closing was as a subtle way of complaining about… other noises.)
    Neither M nor Chris reads this far in comments, right? So if you’re really wanting to be devious, couldn’t you get a friend to pretend to be a neighbor, and complain about the noise? Or would that cause more trouble than it’s worth? ;P

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  14. Iris

    *Thank you*, Rob. Your sympathy was exactly what I was looking for. Though Dyke Grrl’s suggestion of how to eliminate noise in a different way was also helpful. 😀 I’m always ready to form alliances with other bottoms to take on tops who pervert poor household items into implements. [grin]

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  15. Raven

    Chris –
    A leather version of the Loopy Johnny?!?!? Why didn’t someone tell me sooner???!!! It’s definitely been too long since I’ve browsed toys.
    And for those whose loving tops like said toy, let me suggest that commenting that she/he is loopy just before picking up said implement is not necessarily in one’s best interest.
    Really, that was just a guess; not necessarily anything I’ve tried (not more than once, anyway) 😉
    Ever helpful,
    Raven

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  16. Fireman Chris

    I seem to remember the word “loopy” being used in many of Raven’s old posts on a.s.s., and not in reference to the toy. 😉
    And for those who doubt, I read all the comments on entries posted by Sparkle and Iris…gotta keep an eye on those two.
    Keep the suggestions coming! I’ve got a pretty good list of new ideas. 😉

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  17. Iris

    “As I remember, you’re a pretty nice, easy going kind of a guy……”
    Yeah, that’s what I used to think too! Course, flattery is a great way to soften up tops sometimes. So you may be on to something there, Rob.

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  18. Rob

    I’m just getting Chris in touch with his soft, sensitive side, that’s all…….she says… giggling……

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  19. Davo

    Gee, I just bought myself a loopy johnny, and would be very happy to lend it to Chris anytime he wants.
    And in the realm of “helpful comments” I would recommend that Chris purchase a leather jump rope. Just google it and you’ll find some for under $20. Hmmm .. I think I’ll have to get one for my toybag as well.
    Davo, being helpful.

    Reply
  20. bb

    this is the first time I’ve read some of the comments on here. This is really funny, sorry sparkle!! If S came at me with a loopy john thingy, I think I would run away, or at least try. The worst I ever got was the bathbrush with baby oil on my bottom. That hurts like crazy but it is noisy. S doesnt worry about noise. I think that may be a good thing! I also hope he doesnt read this!

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  21. bb

    this is the first time I’ve read some of the comments on here. This is really funny, sorry sparkle!! If S came at me with a loopy john thingy, I think I would run away, or at least try. The worst I ever got was the bathbrush with baby oil on my bottom. That hurts like crazy but it is noisy. S doesnt worry about noise. I think that may be a good thing! I also hope he doesnt read this!

    Reply
  22. bb

    this is the first time I’ve read some of the comments on here. This is really funny, sorry sparkle!! If S came at me with a loopy john thingy, I think I would run away, or at least try. The worst I ever got was the bathbrush with baby oil on my bottom. That hurts like crazy but it is noisy. S doesnt worry about noise. I think that may be a good thing! I also hope he doesnt read this!

    Reply
  23. dawna

    I’m really not sure if I’ve ever experienced an actual coathanger, but the worst thing I think I ever experienced was the handle-end of a flyswatter. I am thinking it might feel similar, although I would definitely not want to volunteer to test that theory! I can definitely add sympathy, as we have noise issues at our house too. In fact, Floyd is fond of saying “shall we go be quiet” or something along those lines, in reference to the Lexan (I think that’s what it is) cane he bought for such occasions. Quiet, but deadly. No fun at all!
    dawna

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  24. sassylass

    wire hangers are what pimps use to whip their whores. i saw it on a t.v. show once….guy stretched the hanger narrow and wrapped it in a dish towel. apparently it’s an absolutely wretched spanking implement.

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  25. sparkle

    Oh dear.
    Iris, if that’s not an argument for M to stop with the wire coat hangar (and Chris to stop threatening with it), then what would be???
    sparkle

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  26. Kaye James

    I think wire coathangers are dangerous and they squick me!
    I can’t get out of my head the wonderful scene in Mommy Dearest when she attacks with the wire hanger and screams
    NO WIRE HANGERS!!!!
    It’s actually a hard limit in my relationship. A quiet implement my top and I have found works is a small OTK cane.

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  27. Winter

    The pimp thing came to my mind also. I once had a boyfriend who used wire hangers on me; they were horribly painful and after he mentioned that he liked using them because it was how pimps whipped their ho’s (and he said this in a decidedly not so nice way)I was completely devoid of any willingness to be punished this way. Maybe you guys could just turn a radio on or something??? =)

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  28. jeff guedel

    1. drum sticks
    2. chop sticks
    3. bicycle pump-type rubber airhoses
    4. pvc pipe
    5. plastic drapery rods
    6. Joan Crawford specials
    7. leather jumpropes, quartered and knotted.
    IMHO great care must be taken to strike only
    into the fleshy, muscular quadrants of the gluteus maximus muscle. Pressing the weapon into the flesh after the swat intensifies the pain and give more bang for the buck.
    Implements as above hurt way too much on the thigh, gluteus minimus, gluteus medius, cleft,
    outer quad, etc. Experiments on bonier, weaker areas should be done with small soft flexible implements.

    Reply
  29. jeff guedel

    1. drum sticks
    2. chop sticks
    3. bicycle pump-type rubber airhoses
    4. pvc pipe
    5. plastic drapery rods
    6. Joan Crawford specials
    7. leather jumpropes, quartered and knotted.
    IMHO great care must be taken to strike only
    into the fleshy, muscular quadrants of the gluteus maximus muscle. Pressing the weapon into the flesh after the swat intensifies the pain and give more bang for the buck.
    Implements as above hurt way too much on the thigh, gluteus minimus, gluteus medius, cleft,
    outer quad, etc. Experiments on bonier, weaker areas should be done with small soft flexible implements.

    Reply
  30. frank

    three licks cuz of a bet-
    high left near IM injection site,
    side of rt glute/hip,
    back of l. thigh.
    wirehanger-
    hurt worse than I would have ever imagined.
    Wine red welts.

    Reply
  31. Doreenbutterfly

    I enjoy being spanked by my hubby,a wire hangergives an awesome sting and gets me excited but i cant take anywhere near the amount of strokes as I can with a paddle or strap ! It is good but ir does hurt!!!!!

    Reply
  32. nihasa

    Smiles. oh yes the wire and plactic hangers hurt a lot. quiet, leaves beautiful marks that i can wear for days. love em!

    Reply

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