Hi everyone. 🙂 I just posted this in my Livejournal, but I wanted to get it here, too, just so everyone knows that I’m not dead — or, worse, Vanilla.
But lately I’ve been begging for that part of my life back.
I called him today from work and asked him to meet me at my apartment — which is now quite convenient for him as it’s like 2 minutes from his work. He was here when I got here, and I wasted no time in telling him what I wanted. I know some people might question how real it could be if I had to ASK for it, but I know that I just needed to flat out tell him I was ready to go back down this path, and I trusted and needed him to take me there, plus I felt like shit about myself for something and I needed some guilt-resolve. I had lied at work about the reason I came in late the other day. The truth was that I was just having a bad flare up that day and needed more sleep time, but I flat-out lied about it — and this isn’t something new to me. OK so, lots of people lie to their work. But, I have been on a self-righteous trip lately about some not-so-honest shit that my boss says to customers, and I’ve been going off to D, and my mom, and everyone who will listen (outside of work, that is) about how I can’t stand working with people with no integrity … So, it kind of hit me today that when we HATE something about someone else we really need to look closely at what we’re doing that we HATE about ourselves, right?
So, to me it wasn’t really about being late — it was about being a self-righteous jerk about calling someone else a liar while I’m being one myself. I still think he’s an asshole for lying to customers, but I’m an asshole for lying to him, too, you know? But, D was also really annoyed with me for being late so that came into it, too. 🙂
It wasn’t the most horrible thing as far as punishment spankings go. I got a hand spanking over his knee that started on my shorts and progressed to the bare (don’t they always?) but he was trying to be quiet because this place doesn’t seem as sound-proof as the last. Which is kind of good news for me, isn’t it? Then I had to bend over this way-too-convenient little desk I now have in my bedroom and I got a strapping with the belt. He didn’t double it over at first, and I hate it like that — feels too much like a light, stingy tawse. At one point I did start to cry, and asked him to please double it over. He said it was too loud that way. I almost pointed out that my wailing would be louder, but thought better of it.
I’m very pleased. I hope it’s the first of many to come. I’ve been so needing this.