A Brief History of Iris

At the risk of sounding redundant, I’ll begin my post like Dyke Grrl and say how tickled I am to be asked to join the outstanding group of women who founded the Punishment Book.  It’s both an honor and a joy, since there are so few venues for intelligent conversation about what we do.  Thank you all for the invitation.

Now.  On to introductions.  First, the stats: I’m in my late 20s, currently living in Minnesota, days (hours!) away from receiving my graduate degree, and getting ready to move to Los Angeles.  I’m a Midwestern girl, born and raised, so California will be a whole new adventure.  While I’ll admit I’m not terribly fond of LA or Southern California, there are some people there I like very much–one in particular.  M and I have been dating for something like two years (depends on if you count from when we started dating or when we met), and it’s going to be wonderful to be in the same metropolitan area.  We’re going to be able to have dinner together and not have to plan it several months in advance!  🙂

Enough of the vanilla details.  I’ve been into spanking just about as long as I can remember.  The spines of many of my childhood books are creased at the parts where spanking occurs (M is always amazed when we come across books in stores and I can flip quickly to a spanking scene).  Fast foward 15 years to college, where I convinced my vanilla boyfriend to spank me as foreplay.  In retrospect I realize that he took to it like a duck to water, but I was always self-conscious and sure that I was the only one who got anything out of it.

After college I moved to Chicago where I discovered Crimson Moon and began to realize that my kink was not only normal, it was something to celebrate!  Yet I still had these nagging thoughts about discipline: I fantasized about it, wondered about it, craved it.  I entered into a wonderful relationship with Yoni and Tasha, who are now the owners of Bum Rap.  Yoni helped me start to understand my need for discipline and let me see that I could have it in an adult relationship and it didn’t make me less mature or adult–it’s just part of who I am.  (I still struggle with that sometimes; see below.)

And THEN I met M, which brings me to now.  How and where does discipline fit in my life at this point?  For one, I’m still discovering that it’s much different in a relationship than in my head.  And it’s very different in a long-distance relationship than in a regular, close-by one.  M and I are negotiating what it looks like for us.  He has been in the scene for a number of years but always swore he would only spank for pleasure.  As has been noted by some people, though, I could convert Gandhi into a disciplinarian. 😀   And M is adjusting to his role as top remarkably well. 

At the heart of it all for me is a need for security.  Parts of my growing up were really unstable and full of tension and I think I crave stability, security, and forgiveness.  When a spanking is over, it’s over.  I’ve been held accountable, punished, and forgiven.  There’s also the knowledge that someone is watching out for me, which means that my behavior and my Self matter to someone, that they care what I do and what happens to me. 

And there’s something else, something intangible that I can’t quite explain.  Every once in a while I need a big spanking "to clear out all the cobwebs," M says.  The daily stuff of life accumulates and I need to sweep it all out.  These are different from regular punishment spankings, which are for one specific issue (sometimes more), but they’re the same in terms of the effect they have on me.  I feel lighter, clearer, and very very loved.  It’s still one of the hardest things to admit to myself, that I need to be spanked.  If anyone else has thoughts on this, I’d welcome discussion. 

So that’s mostly about me.  My mushy, end-of-semester brain will probably think of more to add as soon as I post this, but I do want to get something up by way of introduction. 

Warm blessings!

9 thoughts on “A Brief History of Iris

  1. Fireman Chris

    Iris, I know you’re going to be a great addition to this blog.
    “While I’ll admit I’m not terribly fond of LA or Southern California, there are some people there I like very much–one in particular.”
    Funny, I think Sparkle felt (and feels) the same way when she moved here.
    Looking forward to your contributions, and to having you in the area too.
    Chris

    Reply
  2. Natty

    Well, Ghandi was a disciplinarian of a sort. Maybe didn’t use spanking but he got people to behave. 🙂
    “There’s also the knowledge that someone is watching out for me, which means that my behavior and my Self matter to someone, that they care what I do and what happens to me.”
    That’s a big part of the kink for me. The real appeal of the punishment context.
    I’m no longer afraid to say that I need a spanking. These days I’m just struggling with in what context it should be.
    Glad to have you here with us to struggle together. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Dyke Grrl

    Hiya, Iris!
    I’ve been into spanking just about as long as I can remember. The spines of many of my childhood books are creased at the parts where spanking occurs
    Yup. Most of my childhood books were borrowed from the library, but I definitely remember the spanking scenes, in great detail. It must be one of the better litmus tests for whether or not you were a spanko as a kid, because W. has read all of the same books, just as often, and doesn’t remember the spanking scenes! ;P
    days (hours!) away from receiving my graduate degree,
    First, congratulations! Woo-hoo! Success! And good luck with that move, too.
    Second, this makes me wonder. A surprisingly high percentage of the people I know (pretty much all online) who are into spanking are also pursuing post-secondary eduction. Is this because people with blogs are more likely to be in grad school, or to have gone, or is it because there’s something about spankos that makes us like the torture of graduate school, or what is it? Or maybe it’s just a matter of me liking people who are in similar situations. Who knows?
    And there’s something else, something intangible that I can’t quite explain. Every once in a while I need a big spanking “to clear out all the cobwebs,” M says. The daily stuff of life accumulates and I need to sweep it all out. These are different from regular punishment spankings, which are for one specific issue (sometimes more), but they’re the same in terms of the effect they have on me. I feel lighter, clearer, and very very loved. It’s still one of the hardest things to admit to myself, that I need to be spanked. If anyone else has thoughts on this, I’d welcome discussion.
    Yeah. I need those spankings. In some ways, I think I need them even more than I need regular punishment spankings. It’s about submission, and it’s about release. And they definitely do make me feel loved. It’s sometimes a bit weird–why should my partner whipping my butt make me feel so loved and loving? But there it is–it does. It’s not about feeling like a child, because often those spankings don’t feel childish at all. It’s about the focus, the assistance, the help.
    And it’s incredibly difficult to admit I need to be spanked, that I need something that I cannot provide for myself. It’s especially a struggle for me, because I know that W. would be just as happy in our relationship if I didn’t need these spankings; they are emotionally draining for her, they leave her exhausted. And she gives them anyways, because she knows I need them. It’s difficult to allow myself to ask for, and accept this–something that is solely for me, that benefits no one else.
    Okay, this is an absurdly long comment, and it’s started to thunderstorm again, so I’ll close for the moment.

    Reply
  4. pinksbrat

    “The spines of many of my childhood books are creased at the parts where spanking occurs (M is always amazed when we come across books in stores and I can flip quickly to a spanking scene)”
    Yes! I can walk into a bookstore and flip instantly to the spankings in caddie woodlawn, or boy, or roll of thunder hear my cry… I remember reading the whipping boy in class in elementary school, I was so intrigued and so embarrased!
    DG- interesting observation about spankos and education. Maybe its something about the discipline and the structure of higher ed… I’m about to graduate from law school, but there is already a nagging desire to go back for something else 😉

    Reply
  5. Haron

    Welcome to the crowd, Iris 🙂
    I’ve been wondering about grad school, too. It sometimes seems like there is more domestic discipline going on to support all the grad students than for any other reason.
    Rest assured, though, that when I’m done with my PhD, I’m not going back for any more. LOL

    Reply
  6. Iris

    Thank you all for the warm welcome!
    All you fellow (and former and future) grad students out there: it’s good to know that there are other perpetual students who share this. Maybe we should try to get some funding to study our psychology? 😀
    pinksbrat, I *love* Caddie Woodlawn and Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry (“Caddie Woodlawn, I ought to give you a spanking right now, but I haven’t time” and the bit about Cassie and her brothers emerging from the barn after getting whipped with their eyes bleary). And the Whipping Boy! Sid Fleischman has good references in most of his books. What about The Good Master and Anne of Green Gables? (I’ve totally just outed myself as a children’s book geek, haven’t I?)
    Natty, I’d never thought about Gandhi actually being a top, but now I have a new take on him. I suppose if he looked at me with disappointed eyes I’d just want to melt into the floor.
    And Dyke Grrl, this part about admitting I need a spanking goes back to the conversation on your other post (“Unexpected”). Sometimes it’s admitting it to myself that’s hard (“I *need* this and there’s nothing wrong with needing it”) and sometimes it’s admitting it to other people that’s hard (“Could you please do this for me because I need it?”). Interesting topic. Maybe we should start a new thread about it?
    Iris

    Reply
  7. sparkle

    Iris,
    It occurred to me a little while ago that I’ve neglected to welcome you and Dyke Grrl.
    Naughty sparkle. *smacks myself in the forehead–er, bottom*
    Congratulations on your graduation, and I’m really glad you’re part of PB 🙂
    sparkle

    Reply
  8. Fireman Chris

    It occurred to me a little while ago that I’ve neglected to welcome you and Dyke Grrl.
    Naughty sparkle. *smacks myself in the forehead–er, bottom*
    Let ME take care of that, dear.

    Reply
  9. spankedkitty

    To comment on Dyke Grrl’s note of grad school… I don’t know – I’m working on my second Master’s degree 😀 what does that say about me? Maybe we need the structure, the drive to push ourself knowing there will be consequences (grades in lieu of punishment – or depending on our Disciplinarians – punishment because of grades)… Hmm… I don’t blog as much as I’d like to – often because between my full time job, my Owner and my degree program I’m swamped and want to spend my down time doing nothing (or laundry – usually – Blah!)
    In any case, it’s a neat observation 🙂 and I look forward to reading more about you and Iris too 🙂
    Jamie

    Reply

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