The last couple of months have been weird as far as discipline goes. I’ve been spanked here and there, sporadically, for various things. But, there hasn’t been much consistency and that’s due to a LOT of different things — illnesses, vacations, frustration. What usually happens with me didn’t fail to happen this time. I got completely out of control, sank into a depression, and felt like the only way to get out of this was to start enforcing some structure and discipline. Fortunately, I have a man who agrees.
We talked at great length about how to start a more structured discipline routine. We read quite a few blogs of people "like us" and got some ideas. Since we are in seperate abodes right now, and both of us are busy and tired throughout the week, we decided that I would keep a notebook where I would write down what I should be punished for, and we’d have a standing once-a-week appointment where those things would be talked about, and dealt with. This doesn’t mean that I’m exempt from being punished any other day of the week, but I can be SURE that I will be punished, if I’ve earned it, on one of the weekend days each week.
This knowledge has made me feel much more secure, but has had little effect on my behavior so far. Last Friday evening was our first "meeting" and I had several things to answer for. I got a hand spanking, and some paddlings with different implements. The punishment fit the crimes and there were promises to be good, blah blah blah. But, here’s the thing: it’s now Thursday and I don’t think I’ve kept a single promise. And it’s STUPID stuff — stuff I can seriously do and I have no business NOT doing. Drinking my water, taking my pill, sticking to my budget and going to the gym four times a week. I’ve done a shitty job with every single one of those things (well, except for my budget — I got some birthday money so I haven’t used any of my money in the bank to have fast food MANY FRIGGIN’ TIMES THIS WEEK).
So, now I’m in for it. And I’m pissed about it. I left my notebook at Dave’s last week after my spanking, so I haven’t been writing in it, but it’s not like I’ll have to think very hard about what should be in it. Haven’t had 60 ounces of water per day any day since my last spanking. Haven’t even BEEN to the gym any day. Haven’t taken my pill. Nope, not even ONE time. I’m somewhat disgusted with myself … and yet I know that when it comes down to it I’ll be bargaining and crying and trying to get out of what I know is coming. *sigh* Wish me luck?