The members of Punishment Book received an e-mail a few days ago from a woman who wanted to know if we were "serious". Not only are we serious (to varying degrees) but we’re really not that uncommon. The number of women writing blogs about domestic discipline, BDSM, or other variations of "serious" alternative lifestyles is phenomenal. I use ‘serious’ here not to indicate a sober, distinctly unamusing relationship, but in the more colloquial, American way. Yes, we are way serious. This is real to us, although our perspectives on it are all quite different.
I live for months without a punishment spanking; more specifically, months can pass without C punishing me with a spanking for some sort of misbehavior that is not part of a kinky playtime. Playtime, being much different and quite erotic, often includes spankings – and other punishments – for naughtiness both imagined or deliberately invoked. Playtime temporarily alleviates a desire – a very real and very strong desire – to know that C has limits that even I cannot cross. (Trust me, C gives me a very wide berth to do and say and spend and be what I want.) By that, I mean, there are rules about playtime and I push or break them frequently enough – and I know it is safe for me to do so and that C’s love and desire for me is in no way at risk by such, uh, incidents.
Unfortunately, that sense of safety is not automatically transferred to our working days. The truth is, I am insecure enough and enough of a perfectionist that I am become very unhappy when life does not work out the way I intend. Accidents upset me. Irritating C – at least when I do not mean to – is enough to make me cry. Being impatient with the baby’s irrationality (a feature of infants, even) causes intense guilt.
So a few weeks ago I dropped the digital camera.