I think we've all assumed that anyone reading this blog would know that when any of us get spanked, it is consensual. We have all explicitly made it known to our partners that we want them to discipline us (though "discipline" is probably defined differently by each of us). Indeed, we have all sought out partners with spanking kinks because we ourselves already had spanking kinks (or fetishes, or whatever word you want to call it). We *chose* it, it was not imposed on us because our partners thought it was for our own good, or because we really "need" it.
I say this because I had a conversation with a fellow (don't worry, I don't even remember your nick) in a chatroom last night that has left me rather disturbed about the message some readers of this blog may have about the various disciplinary arrangements we six have with our partners.
At one point after he read this blog, and in particular my post about a punishment I received this last winter, he asked if I thought I deserved it. I sighed to myself as I've been down this road with other men I've chatted with before and tried to think of an answer that wasn't going to sound like I believe my relationship with my partner is solely about submission or "feminine misbehavior" that needs correcting. But instead, I simply asked him why he felt it important to ask. He rattled off something about the importance of discipline being caring, that the girl understand why she was being punished, etc. I replied that all that is true, but why is it important that he ask me, a complete stranger, if I thought I deserved my punishment? He wanted to know how other couples do punishment. Why? Well, his girlfriend, still, after all the years they've gone out, hates spanking. She would never admit it, but he feels deep down that she really needs and wants this, and she always says afterwards that she deserves it.
Um, if she hasn't stated explicitly that she wants discipline to be a part of the relationship, it ain't consensual. And if it ain't consensual, it's abuse.
I have a good friend who has been a victim of domestic violence numerous times. She's lived with me on two occassions as she's tried to get away from two separate abusive boyfriends (and that's after divorcing a horribly abusive husband). I've listened to her on the phone with her partner. Say that she deserved what she got. That she would be better in the future. Plead with him not to hurt her.
Sorta like what you read in some spanking stories.
Now, fantasy is one thing. I often imagine age play scenarios where I plead with a "daddy" or "mommy" not to spank me. And in *play* that's fine. Even within real life disciplinary relationships there are those who have consented to "non-consent."
But there's *always* some form of *explicit* consent.
Without consent, spanking in any form, even if you think it's for her (or his!) own good, is abuse.
And abuse is just enraging and heartbreaking to hear.