My contributions to this site have thus far been rather sparse. For that I apologise, but I haven’t had anything specific to write about. However, Mija’s post, ‘So, Does It Work?’ has got me thinking. (Especially since I’m writing this instead of the story whose deadline is just around the corner!) Mija, I couldn’t agree more with your answers ‘Yes, no, sometimes and it depends’ in response to the question about whether RL discipline works.
I’ve spent a lot of my kink life feeling conflicted over the entire concept of RL discipline. It was especially hard for me in my previous relationship, when I had a regular day job and had to be an independent, responsible woman. Making the transition back to a place where I was subject to discipline was very hard and I usually resented it.
Now I’m my own boss and I’m extremely diligent and conscientious when it comes to work. It’s just the rest of it I can’t seem to stay on top of. Like this story I’m writing. Q said recently that he wanted a list of my writing projects and threatened consequences if I didn’t finish them. And part of me wants that. But another part of me bristles at the idea. And while this inner battle rages, the writing languishes.
And here’s the worst part: it’s not something I can put into a roleplay. This is ME, not any of my personae. The girl behind the masks. I’m the first to admit that I lack discipline. But when it’s offered I rebel. The bottom line is that no one can write this story but me. Spanking me for not writing it won’t get it written. RL discipline with Q has been pretty much on an as-needed basis. But I still find myself resisting. I can’t leave it for when *I* think I need it; that’s just topping from the bottom. And daily structured schedules don’t work for me either.
I suppose the underlying issue is relinquishing control. I’m not submissive by nature, so scenes with a D/s headspace are extremely edgy and challenging for me. So you can imagine how hard it is to surrender control in RL. How does one foil the inner control freak?
I guess what I really need to do is encourage Q to read this blog. *grin* So if anyone has any spare advice lying around, now’s the time to trot it out.