Domestic Discipline, Corporal Punishment, Discipline and Punishment, Parental Spankings, Masculine Authority, D/s, BDSM, WIIWD, Guardian / child, so many terms and still I can’t find one I like….
My partner Paul and I were talking a few nights ago about we’d call what we do. I told him I’m not fond of the term “domestic discipline” because it carries too much “male authority” baggage with it. I used to talk about him as my “guardian” but that carries the sense of me not being an adult, which I am. On some other sites, I cringe a little at the thought of using the term “Head Of Household,” especially put into caps. I’m not down on it for someone else, but it’s so not us. Not me, not Paul. We’ve definitely always been partners. And that’s the way our relationship should be, maybe even more now that we’re married.
So why then do I get spanked and some other stuff as a punishment when Paul doesn’t, I hear you ask?
Mostly, I don’t think spanking works as a punishment for most people. In fact, I don’t even believe punishment works for most people. While Paul sometimes thinks about being spanked, he’s motivated by something inside himself. I think that’s true of a lot of people. For me, not so much.
Also, while Paul and I are equals and see each other as such, we’re not the same at all. He’s very good at some things I’m terrible at, like attention to detail. Likewise, there are some things that come easily for me that don’t for him, like talking on the phone. Sure, I can get detailed work done if I need to and Paul can talk on the phone when he has to. But we balance where each of us has different talents. And I like being accountable to Paul. He’s my friend and my love, and as such someone who I respect a great deal. I know he notices when I don’t do what I say I’m going to do. When we’ve not done punishment spankings, my perception of his disapproval (mostly not real, but I felt it anyway) sometimes was a barrier between us. Yet I felt like I had to prove I didn’t really need him to discipline me before we could again talk about how much I really do want (and need this in our life).
I got hung up on this issue for a long time because I felt sure that what we were doing placed an unfair burden on Paul. But he’s helped me to see that WIIWD (what it is we do) helps him too. In helping me by providing some external structure, he finds his own life becoming more ordered too. That makes it sound simplier than it is, but that’s the subject of another probably longer musing.
But now I’m pretty much cool with what we do. Honest. It’s just hard to talk and write about when I don’t know what to call it. Too many pronouns get to be confusing.
Any thoughts? Maybe just discipline and punishment spankings?